Young or old, we can all use good marriage advice from some of the “experts.” After all, whose marriage is perfect? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, we can always improve things. In the last Marriage Insight we shared with you some EXPERT MARRIAGE ADVICE. (If you didn’t read it follow the link because we include a hilarious video on “Advice We All Need.”
But in looking further for what to write in this Insight, we’d like to share with you even MORE expert marriage advice. So this is part 2. We’re enjoying looking through and learning from the info to share it with you. We’re hoping you’re praying, gleaning, maybe even adapting, and applying whatever advice you can use.
And when you do read what’s posted below, please read it slowly, perhaps more than once. There is a lot of info to take in and digest.
We also hope you’ll pass it along to others that can use it. In addition, we’re hoping you’ll share some of YOUR marriage advice below so others can benefit from that, which you’ve learned. It can be advice that you’ve read, heard, and/or have lived and learned through from personal experience. Please help us to help others.
Expert Marriage Advice:
So, here are little tidbits of marriage advice given from married “experts” who walk the walk and also talk the talk. To start out, here’s some excellent advice from Steve Arteburn and the Bible:
“Don’t use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer.” Remember: “God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.” (John 3:17) ♥ “Let love be your guidepost.” We’re told in the Bible, “Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
Here’s something to consider, as to how you can do this, because you really should:
“Make it your goal to create a marriage that feels like it’s the safest place on earth.” (Gary Smalley)
On Another Note, BEWARE:
“Anger makes your mouth work faster than your brain.” “When one’s temper gets the best of us, it reveals the worst of us.” (Evan Esar and Renae Willis)
True, isn’t it? It’s actually backed up by scientific evidence. Remember:
“When you rage, you lose almost every time.” (Jay Payleitner) We’re told in the Bible: “A quick tempered man [or woman] does foolish things.” (Proverbs 14:17)
Don’t dump out everything that comes into your mind, when reacting to your spouse. It saves you from having to apologize later! You don’t have to ask for forgiveness for biting your tongue. Keep in mind:
“For a marriage to have any chance, every day at least a half dozen things should go unsaid.” (Kirk VanOoteghem)
This is SO true! Also, from Gary Smalley remember:
“Wise husbands and wives will take time to practice small acts of touching. Hold hands in a walk through the mall, stopping to rub your mate’s shoulders for a moment, taking the time to gently hold your spouse at the door on your way out. These small but important acts can work like ‘super-bloom’ to a plant and green out a relationship.”
Kindness and Kissing Makes a Positive Difference
That sure lines up with some great advice from Darlene Schact:
“You may not be newlyweds, but you can still kiss like you are.”
We love this advice. No matter what age you are this can be fun! And if you need to know more about kissing, holding hands, hugging, and the like, here are a few links to some articles we have posted on this web site that explains more:
• HOLDING HANDS AND KISSING SPOUSE
• CONNECTION QUESTIONS AND A KISS
And then along the same line here’s some great advice (that we sure agree with):
“When your spouse has lost his (or her) joy and doesn’t have a smile of his (or her) own, give yours. Better still, top it off with a kiss.” (Ngina Otiende)
Here are a few more important quotes from Dr Gary Smalley (and then additional marriage experts):
“Don’t be surly at home, then go out and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at strangers. If you have only 1 smile in you, give it to your spouse.” Also, “Speak ‘life’ into your spouse thru words of encouragement. The word ‘encourage’ means ‘to make courageous.’”
Speak courage into your spouse… Encourage whenever it’s possible, and be kind.
“Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.” (Sheila Wray Gregoire) ♥ Be especially kind to your spouse. ♥ “Kindness is more than deeds. It’s an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch—anything that lifts another person.” (C. Neil Strait)
Keep in mind:
“Not every day will be full of fireworks, but every day can be full of love.” (Renae Willis) It can be, and it should be. Jesus said:
“A new commandment I give to you that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
We’re also told in Ephesians 4:32 through Ephesians 5:1-2 the following:
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.“
May it be so, that the way we show love to one another in our marriages reveals and reflects the love of Christ to a world that desperately needs it.
Cindy and Steve Wright
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2 responses to “Expert Marriage Advice – Part 2”
A Fun Metaphor for Your Marriage: Ballroom Dancing
Marriage is complicated enough at times, and it can use a simpler explanation to deal with it’s intricacies. I found Ballroom Dancing to be the perfect metaphor for my marriage. It’s fun. No doubt about it, with my wife and perhaps others in a group class, and good music, it’s good wholesome fun. And it teaches most of the important values of marriage, such as
– Patience. It takes time to learn how to dance together as one. A great deal of practice is involved, and men are not “born dancers”. It takes a man’s patience to get good at it, and it takes the woman’s patience while she waits for him.
– Leadership and Followership – In Ballroom Dancing, the man leads, the woman follows. But leadership takes time to learn and develop, and following is just as much a learned skill. Many women run out of patience and try to “backlead” a man through a dance. It is terrible when that happens – the man learns nothing and gets even more frustrated.
In marriage, the roles are the same. The man is the leader, the woman is the follower. The leadership is accomplished through grace, patience, and skill. A husband should not exercise his leadership by pushing and shoving in a dance, and certainly not a marriage. The role of following is done willingly, lovingly, and skillfully, just as it is on a dance floor.
It’s important to note that the roles of Leading and Following are co-equal. Neither is the superior role, and both are required for a successful dance or marriage. I am passionate about marriage, family, and ballroom dancing. I can go on and on about it, but I have to say it later. Thanks for the ministry and encouragement on this great website MarriageMissions.com
Mark, thanks for sharing this great metaphor; and thanks for your web site to instruct and encourage couples. Our hearts beat similarly when it comes to making a difference for Christ in marriages around the world. You and Sheila keep up the great work!