I’m so appreciative of the fact that my husband Steve puts up with (much of) my quirkiness. A while ago he came home late from an event. He went to get to bed and put one of the pillows from the bed onto the floor. Nope! I don’t like that. As far as I’m concerned pillows don’t belong on the floor. I reminded him of my “no pillows on the floor rule.” Steve said, “but I wasn’t going to walk on it.” I said, “I know, but we walk on the floor and I don’t like pillows to pick up whatever may be on it.” He graciously picked it up and put it on the chair, even though he disagreed. Thank you, Steve.
Also, I don’t like for us to leave the house until it is completely clean. I don’t like to come home to a messy house. It feels great to come home to everything nice and neat. But sometimes this can cause problems when we’re in a hurry, rushing from one appointment to the next with a quick change in between. Even so, it’s important to me (because of my growing up years). Knowing this, Steve has makes an effort to make sure that everything is left in order. I do my part and he does his so we work together on this. It means a lot to me that Steve will do this. It’s quirkiness, yes, I admit it, but it’s also important to me.
Steve also knows about my “no knife left laying on the counter rule.” There’s also the “no TV remote or anything like that laying on my Bible” rule. And then there’s my “put an old sheet on the bed before you clean out your dresser drawers or empty out a suitcase on the bedspread” rule too. (There are others I’ll leave unsaid.)
Quirkiness Goes Both Ways
Steve has his quirky “rules” and habits that I try to honor too. I won’t go into them, lest they embarrass him. That wouldn’t be good. But my point is that it’s nice to get to a place in marriage where you honor each other’s wishes on these things, even if they don’t make sense to you.
And it’s nice to know that your spouse won’t bring your quirkiness up to others and embarrass you. I’ve been with couples when one spouse exposes quirky “secrets” about their mate. The other spouse is mortified with the laughter that bursts out at his or her expense. NOT COOL! It makes ME not want to be there when that happens. Please respect your spouse’s feelings on these types of matters. Don’t put others in the place of watching the embarrassed spouse feel exposed.
It’s good to laugh WITH each other, not AT each other when it’s a sensitive issue. There are some times when a matter is “loving funniness” between spouses. And then there are other times when it’s the opposite. We need to be sure we know the difference. This leads me to tell you of a “loving funniness”, which my husband and I have been playing together for years. And yet we never talk about it. It makes me smile just thinking about it (and I’m sure it does the same to him too).
Quirkiness and Playful Games
Steve and I believe it’s important to be playful with each other. It’s important to flirt, tease (in an honoring way), and build fun memories together. Simone Signoret said something we believe to be true, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” Some of the threads we sew are done through the infusion of laughter.
There is a game we play with each other. It’s one of those threads we keep sewing. I call it the “hide the little rhino” game. It started probably 8 or 9 years ago. Steve found a little grey rhino nick knack somewhere. It’s about the size of a walnut. He showed it to me and I suggested he just pitch it. Instead, I found that he put it on my dresser. I thought to myself, “why would he put it there?” So, I returned the “favor” and put it on his dresser. The next thing I knew I found it in my jewelry box. I put it into a box he had and that’s when the “game” began.
It has been placed back and forth over the years ever since, going from this place to that —wherever we think the other will find and have to deal with it.
Do you know that all these years Steve and I never talk about this? It has been a quirky little game we lovingly play with each other and we never discuss. But I’ll tell you, every time I see that little rhino, it brings a little giggle to my heart. It’s like an “I love playing this funny little game with you” type of thing that until now, no one but Steve and I have known about. And even though Steve will probably read this blog and see what I just wrote, we still won’t talk about it… will we Steve? (I’m thinking that at this point he will say, “nope!) So, let the games continue ☺
We’re sewing threads of laughter and history together —ones that help us to enjoy being married to each other through the years.
Do you have any funny little experiences that you can share with us? As long as they wouldn’t embarrass your spouse, we’d love to hear about them.
Laughing About Quirkiness
In closing, I want to share a little video with you that causes Steve and me laugh every time we see it. Actually, it brings up a “I won’t talk about it game” that some couples play, which, in it’s truest form, isn’t really very funny. It shows how ridiculous we can get in how we deal with matters that bother us. But this one is done in a humorous way and is a great illustration of how NOT to deal with things that bother you. So take note… if you haven’t already.
This is from the TV show, “Everybody Loves Raymond” and is simply called, “The Suitcase” or “The Baggage Episode.” I hope you find it enjoyable and learn from it at the same time. We have! In all of our quirkiness, we have.
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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Filed under: Marriage Blog