Loving funniness is so important to help glue our marriage relationships together. The saying, “All work and no play” makes life more boring and way too serious; and that can lead to trouble. So, find ways to infuse it into your day to day interactions together. And one way is to look at and then laugh (in kind ways) about each other’s quirkiness.
I (Cindy) am so appreciative of the fact that my husband Steve puts up with (much of) my quirkiness. A while ago he came home late from an event. He went to get to bed and put one of the pillows from the bed onto the floor. Nope! I don’t like that. As far as I’m concerned pillows don’t belong on the floor. I reminded him of my “no pillows on the floor rule.” Steve said, “but I wasn’t going to walk on it.” I said, “I know, but we walk on the floor, and I don’t like pillows to pick up whatever’s on it.” He graciously picked it up and put it on the chair, even though he disagreed. Thank you, Steve.
Also, I don’t like for us to leave the house until it’s completely clean. I don’t like to come home to a messy house. But sometimes this can cause problems when we’re in a hurry. But it’s important to me (because of my growing up years). So, Steve makes an effort to make sure that everything is left in order. I do my part and he does his, working on this together. I appreciate that Steve does this. I admit that it’s quirkiness, but it’s also important to me.
Steve also knows about my “no knife left lying on the counter rule.” There’s also the “no TV remote or anything like that laying on my Bible” rule. And then there’s my “put an old sheet on the bed before you clean out your dresser drawers or empty out a suitcase on the bedspread” rule too. (There are others I’ll leave unsaid.)
Steve has his quirky “rules” and habits that I try to honor too.
Quirkiness Goes Both Ways
Steve: As surprising as this may sound, I do have some quirks too. Although I prefer the term, “Cute Proclivities.” For example:
A quirk I’ve had “forever” is that when I brush my teeth, I let everything in my mouth (toothpaste, saliva, excess food, small animals, etc.) just run down my hand, my arm, my elbow and run into the sink. To say this grosses Cindy out is an understatement. Anytime she sees this she gags. Over the years I’ve tried changing my brushing routine but have always gone back to what seems natural to me. My defense for this has been that every time I get a dental check-up, I get praised for my oral hygiene habits. Eventually Cindy realized she couldn’t change me. So, we concluded that she just couldn’t be in the bathroom when I was brushing. Problem solved.
Also:
• I firmly believe people should not allow their dogs to poop in my yard. I assume they have yards, so let their dog do their business there, so my yard stays “poop free.” (This is the way God intends.)
• I also believe that the ONLY way to drink coffee is BLACK (the way God intended it). If you add anything else to it, it is now just a “flavored beverage.”
• Furthermore, I believe Telemarketers should only be allowed to call other Telemarketers (and leave Cindy and me alone ( the way God intended).
• And my last quirk (that I’ll share) is… I believe that whenever we’re watching a movie, whether it’s in a theater or in our living room, there should NEVER be any talking in the background (by anyone). Talking should be done before or after the movie (the way God intends).
Giving Each Other Grace
Are you getting the impression that I’m very strong in my quirky opinions? The answer would be yes. I’m just glad that Cindy gives me the grace and space to hold onto these quirky opinions.
It’s nice to get to a place in marriage where you honor each other on these types of things, even if they don’t make sense to you.
And it’s nice to know that your spouse won’t bring your quirkiness up (without permission, as we’re doing here) to others and embarrass you. I’ve been with couples when one spouse exposes quirky “secrets” about their mate. The other spouse is mortified with the laughter that bursts out at his or her expense. NOT COOL! It makes US not want to be there when that happens. Please respect your spouse’s feelings on these types of matters. Don’t put others in the place of watching the embarrassed spouse feel exposed.
It’s good to laugh WITH each other, but not AT each other when it’s a sensitive issue. There are sometimes when a matter is “loving funniness” between spouses. And then there are other times when it’s the opposite. We need to be sure we know the difference.
Quirkiness and Loving Funniness
This leads me (Cindy) to tell you of a “loving funniness,” which Steve and I have been playing together for years. And yet we never talk about it. It makes me smile just thinking about it (and I’m sure it does the same to him too).
Steve and I believe it’s important to be playful with each other. It’s important to flirt, tease (in an honoring way), and build fun memories together. Simone Signoret said something we believe to be true, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” Some of the threads we sew are done through the infusion of laughter.
There is a game we play with each other. It’s one of those threads we keep sewing. I call it the “hide the little rhino” game. It started probably 8 or 9 years ago. Steve found a little grey rhino nick knack somewhere. It’s about the size of a walnut. He showed it to me, and I suggested he just pitch it. Instead, he secretly put it on my dresser. I thought to myself, “why would he put it there?” So, I returned the “favor” and put it on his dresser. The next thing I knew I found it in my jewelry box. I put it into a box he had on his dresser and that’s when the “game” began.
It has been placed back and forth over the years ever since, going from this place to that —wherever we think the other will find and have to deal with it. It’s a way of expressing loving funniness.
Quirky Games
Do you know that all these years Steve and I never talk about this? It has been a quirky little game we lovingly play with each other and we never discuss. But I’ll tell you, every time I see that little rhino, it brings a little giggle to my heart. It’s like an “I love playing this funny little game with you” type of thing that until now, no one but Steve and I have known about. And even though Steve will probably read this blog and see what I just wrote, we still won’t talk about it… will we Steve? (I’m thinking that at this point he will say, “nope!) So, let the games continue ☺
We’re sewing threads of laughter and history together —ones that help us to enjoy being married to each other, for many more years.
Do you have any funny little experiences that you can share with us? As long as they wouldn’t embarrass your spouse, we’d love to hear about them.
Loving Funniness
In closing, we want to share a little video with you that makes Steve and me laugh every time we see it. Actually, it brings up a type of “I won’t talk about it game” that some couples play, which, in its truest form, isn’t really very funny. It shows how ridiculous we can get in how we deal with matters that bother us. But this one is done in a humorous way and is a great illustration of how NOT to deal with things that bother you. So take note… and enjoy laughing together about something you should not do.
This is from the TV show, “Everybody Loves Raymond” and is simply called, “The Suitcase” or “The Baggage Episode.” We hope you find it enjoyable and learn from it at the same time. We have! In all of our quirkiness, we have.
May the Lord bless your marriage in wonderful ways as you give each other grace in your individual quirkiness and put loving funniness into your marriage relationship!
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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