Previously we talked about Digital Invasion in Marriage. There’s no doubt that we can get carried away with technology. But it can also be a blessing, and we want to acknowledge that. You just have to make sure that you technology bless your marriage —not to hurt it.
“One of my favorite quotes/concepts is the idea that ‘You can’t curse all of the red lights if you aren’t also thanking the green ones.’ So while technology may certainly bring up some small roadblocks in how people relate to each other on an intimate level, there are also some massively useful ways that it can help us in love as well if we use it correctly.” (Jordan Gray)
So the following are some tips from different web sites that we hope will bless your marriage. We thank God for these “green lights.” If you have a tip to add, please post it below. It could bless so many.
Technologically Bless Your Marriage
First, here’s a tip from Brenton Evans:
A myriad of devices in our world have been created to help people stay connected. For instance, e-mail, cell phones, text-messaging, webcams, etc., make it easier for individuals to stay in touch with their loved ones. Stephanie and I correspond continually throughout the day. We send each other romantic text messages, talk on the phone and chat back and forth via e-mail. Our communication is constant and this helps us to better relate to one another once we’re face-to-face. (From the Marriage Today article, “Unplug Your Marriage”)
Blogger, Scott Means agrees. He gives the following suggestion for how to keep in touch electronically with a spouse:
“Although electronic communication (texts, emails, private messages, etc) are no substitute for real, in-person conversation, it does afford couples easy ways to stay in touch with each other. Jenni and I text and message each other frequently throughout the day, and I find that it helps us maintain our connection while we are physically separated. We let each other know of prayer needs, victories and struggles in real time. It is helpful when we are unable to have a lengthy conversation.
“Here are a few ways to keep in touch electronically: – Text a prayer request or ask how you can pray for your spouse. – Send an instant message ‘I’m especially missing you today.’ – Follow up on an important meeting or event and ask how it went. – Send a link to a song that reminds you of your spouse or that might be an encouragement.”
You can learn 5 more tips on technologically connecting with your spouse by reading this Surrendered Marriage blog:
Another tip to technologically bless:
This is also from someone (unrelated) who is named Scott. He’s someone who leaves helpful comments on this web site. He said the following in comment to last week’s Insight, Digital Invasion in Marriage. Because of his comment we decided to write this Insight… Thanks Scott! You are a blessing. Here’s what he wrote:
“We all can probably use the reminder to not get too wrapped up in our online world, to the neglect of spending time with our spouse. I see so many couples sitting together who are both on their smartphones (even at church and it isn’t because they are using it to read their Bible). They are oblivious to their spouse and to the situation around them. It’s sad.
“BUT… I must also share that we can use the connectedness of our culture to benefit our marriage relationship. I often text my wife during the day with something encouraging. Just a few minutes ago I sent her a text that said, “Just thinking of you… xoxoxoxoxox.” You can use texting in many fun ways. Imagine both of you being at home, but in different rooms of your house. Then send your beloved a text that says, “I’m really missing you, and I’d love to cuddle up with you right now. Meet me on our bed in 5 minutes? :>)” Could be the beginning of a sweet interlude during a busy day.”
And then from Pastor Bobby Gruenewald.
Here’s his marriage tip on this issue:
Personally, technology allows me and my wife to follow through on a rule we set early in our marriage: We decided that if we’re going to make a purchase over a certain amount, we have to get permission from each other. Though the amount has changed over the years, it’s remained intentionally low so we never get too far apart on what we’re spending. I can’t imagine how well we would have stuck with our rule if we had to find pay phones and dial pagers. But now, all it takes is a simple text or a quick call on a device that’s always nearby.
There is more that you can learn from Pastor Gruenewald as you read the Outreach Magazine article:
Additional Ways to Technologically Bless
Amy Van Veen writes:
“Photograph your day. Lily* and Doug* [not their real names] found that one way to have a fun chat in the evening was to take photographs of things they saw throughout their day and then share those small moments with one another. It’s simple, but sometimes the simple things bring you together.”
To learn more technology tips to help your marriage from this Focus on the Family article, please read:
Here’s a marriage tip written by Janna Kinner:
“Brag about your spouse on Facebook. You have 250 Facebook friends? Within 30 seconds, they can all know about how your husband just took initiative to do the dishes, or view a picture of him on the floor being involved with your kids. Of course you’ll also thank him face-to-face, but he’ll feel extra-appreciated when you make it public.”
“Allow your spouse unlimited access to your technology accounts. Even if they don’t use it, knowing they can builds trust and accountability.”
Here’s another technology marriage tip written by Pastor Bobby Gruenewald:
“Just because we can use technology to connect with people doesn’t mean we should always use it to connect with people. When it comes to our marriages, it’s imperative that we develop appropriate boundaries for how, when and where we use technology. We might stay away from technology on a specific day of the week or use settings like Do Not Disturb to define the hours when the outside world doesn’t have access to us. Or we might choose certain places where we won’t allow devices to be present, like the dinner table.”
That’s what Dave Boehi writes:
“No devices at the dinner table…. Dinner time should be reserved for face-to-face conversation. There will be plenty of time after dinner to reply to phone calls and text messages. One family calls this rule ‘TTT—Timeout from Technology at the Table.’” (From the Family Life article, “Are You Married to Your Smart Phone?”)
Calendars and Reminders
Here’s a technology suggestion that Sheila Wray Gregoire gives to improve marriages. It concerns making an on line calendar that you and your spouse can share:
“How many fights in your relationship started because one of you forgot something that was important to the other person? Nobody’s perfect, so it’s likely happened to all of us at one time or another. My husband and I decided to solve this problem by creating an online calendar solely for the two of us. We each are responsible for putting in important things affecting our relationship such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc. We also use it to mark out personal time for girls’ nights or guys’ weekends. It’s provided a great way to communicate and eased the burden of expectations on both of us.
“You can use a free program such as Google Calendar to set up your calendar and create parameters that work for both of you. You might be surprised at how this small change can impact your relationship.” (From the article, “10 Ways Technology Can Enhance Marriage”)
Also, here’s a related tip from marriage therapist Devan Armstrong:
“Use technology to your advantage. You can set reminders on your smart phone to do relationship behaviors such as “compliment your partner,” “ask questions,” or “get a small gift.” You can coordinate schedules with calendar apps. You can set up automatic texts or emails for every morning to say, “I love you.” Technology is amazing. Use it.” (From the article, “6 Unique Relationship Tips from a Therapists Marriage”)
And Then Lastly:
Kathryn Sneed shared something interesting concerning Apps to help your marriage. Here’s one:
“If you are anything like me then you probably have a smart phone and love hearing about new apps! As you know I am also a huge advocate of marriage and always love to find new ways to work on and to help my marriage. Since this the month of ‘love’ I thought it would be a great time to talk about the top 8 apps that I found that can really help you better your marriage.”
“‘The Love Dare Day-by-Day: 30 Days (Free) Download: iphone’ — If you have seen the movie Fireproof or read The Love Dare book then you will love this app that reads just like a devotional. It ‘…is designed to challenge husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or is healthy and strong, this is a powerful journey you need to experience. If taken to heart, it could change your marriage . . . and your life.’
“The app also includes: – Weekly dares to ‘help you express love in your marriage.’ – ‘Specific prayers to pray for yourself and your spouse.’ – ‘Questions to get you thinking and talking about your relationship.’ – ‘Go Deeper’ sections that enhance personal Bible study.’” (From her blog, “8 Apps to Help Make Your Marriage Even Better”)
Additionally, here are some guidelines you may find helpful as you deal with marital issues concerning the Internet, Texting, Phone, and more.
We Pray These Help:
Make Technology Work for You
As we said before, make technology work for your marriage relationship. Don’t allow it to steal from your relationship. If you do, you are playing into the hands of the enemy of our faith who comes like a thief “to steal and kill and destroy.” (See: John 10:10.) The enemy would like nothing better than to steal the good from your marriage. He also wants to kill and destroy your marriage and take it down. But the Lord wants you to “have life and have it abundantly.” An abundant life and marriage can be yours through Jesus Christ. Continually give it to Him so you reveal and reflect the love of Christ.
May God bless your marriage in abundant ways!
Cindy and Steve Wright
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