What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

Wife Pixabay holding-hands-411429_1280We encourage you to read the following article titled, “What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife.” But first we encourage you to watch a You Tube comedy video titled, “Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife.” It is written and performed by Tim Hawkins, and gives pretty good advice (and funny too)!

Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife!

Please click onto the following You Tube video link to enjoy:

Here’s another You Tube comedy music video for you, which you might find helpful (as well as funny). This comedy song is written and is performed by Dante:

And then, after reading the article below, we provide a link to an additional article to read, which could further.

And now for the article:

WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIS WIFE:

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, said, “Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question: What does a woman want?”

Well, Freud, may not have been able to identify the deepest needs of women, but modern research has. A wife’s most basic needs in marriage are: (1) to be cherished, (2) to be known and (3) to be respected.

She Needs to be Cherished

“I can’t understand it, Doc.” Doug was talking before he even sat down in my counseling office. “Lisa has everything she could possibly need. She doesn’t have to work, she buys lots of clothes, we live in a great place, we take wonderful vacations, I’m faithful—but she’s miserable.” Doug shook his head and said, “I just don’t get it.”

We talked a bit more about his seven-year marriage and how he tried to express his love for Lisa. “I’m not the talkative type, Doc,” he said. “I show my love by providing the very best I can for her.” This poor husband didn’t realize that his love-starved wife would have traded all the clothes and vacations in the world for a little tenderness from him.

Without meaning to, a husband can completely miss one of his wife’s most important needs: to be cherished. This need is too often overlooked by husbands because we don’t feel the need for it as deeply as women do. But that doesn’t discount its validity. Your wife needs to be cherished.

She needs to know she is number one in your life. If it came down to an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you would choose her—not because you have to, but because you want to. What can you do to cherish your wife?

Consider how often you say, “I love you.”

Some men don’t feel the need to say it with words, but every wife has an insatiable need to hear it. Your wife also needs evidence that you are thinking about her during your day. A small gift or a quick phone call to say, “You are on my mind,” can mean the world to her.

As a man, you probably have no idea of the effect you can have on your wife by being gentle and tender, making her feel cared for.

…Does cherishing your wife mean sacrificing golf games, success at work, or nights out with the boys? Believe it or not, the answer is no. When your wife is satisfied in knowing that she takes first place in your life, when she knows she is the most important thing in the world to you, she will encourage you to do the things you enjoy. It is part of the mystery of marriage: When a woman is truly, genuinely cherished, she feels free to encourage her husband’s independence.

Does she feel important?

Before Doug learned to cherish Lisa, she would complain about his fishing trips. In fact, Lisa wanted a separation because “standing by a lake was more important to Doug than I was.” But once Doug genuinely made Lisa number one, once he began to express true tenderness, Lisa pleasantly shocked him: “I’ll cover for you at the meeting next Thursday so you can get an early start on your fishing trip if you want.” Lisa made this offer because she now felt secure in her position of importance.

“To love and to cherish” is more than a phrase from your wedding vows. It is one of the most important needs your wife will ever have. By meeting it, you are sure to build a partnership that brings you both pleasure…

She Needs to be Known

For a woman, being understood means having her feelings validated and accepted. That’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m a psychologist. I often spend my day doing just that with my clients. I know how to empathize with a person’s pain, to feel his feelings and convey understanding. But when it comes to my marriage, something makes me want to solve Leslie’s problems instead of understand them.

She will tell me about something and I will passively listen until I have heard enough and then, as if to say I’m ready to move on to other things, I will offer advice. I’ll lecture instead of listen. To this day, it often takes every ounce of self-control I can muster to bite my tongue and actively listen.

At least I’m not alone.

Consider this fact:

Men say three times as many words in public as they do in private, while women say three times as many words in private as they do in public. Women like to match experiences, to draw one another out, to volley in conversations. But when it comes to talking to their husbands, many women feel like the wife who told me, “Talking to my husband is like playing tennis with no one in the other court.”

To meet your wife’s important need to be known, you need to actively listen to her, reflecting back to her what she is saying and feeling, and genuinely wanting to understand her. This point cannot be overemphasized: Women need to have their feelings validated and accepted. They need to have you see and experience the world the way they do, instead of explaining to them why they shouldn’t see it that way.

Men have a tough time realizing that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times —or a comforting hug, a loving statement like “You are hurting, aren’t you?” or “You are under a lot of pressure, aren’t you?” Listening to your wife talk without offering quick solutions, is the only way to meet her need to be known.

She Needs to be Respected

Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be respected. Why? Because when men are not respected they react very differently. A man who doesn’t feel respected, for example, is apt to become self-righteous and indignant. He feels even more worthy of respect when others don’t respect him. He may even give less until he gets what he feels he deserves.

Women operate differently—when they are not respected they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner’s need for respect.

There are a number of ways to show respect to your wife.

To begin with, do not try to change or manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights. I know a woman who, because of her upbringing, valued the tradition of having her door opened for her by her husband. She knew the custom was old-fashioned, but it meant a lot to her. For that reason she asked her husband to do it.

Her husband never took her request seriously. “You’re kidding, right?” he’d say. “Nobody does that anymore. That’s the reason why we’ve got power locks on the car.” This husband laughed off his wife’s request, and weakened his opportunity to meet one of his wife’s deepest needs —to be respected.

Respecting your wife also means including her in decisions.

I am always amazed when I find a husband who wields all the power in a marriage. He makes all the decisions, regardless of what his wife thinks. I know of men who make decisions about relocating to a new job in another part of the country without consulting their wives. There isn’t a quicker way to tear down a woman’s sense of self and ruin the possibility of a happy marriage.

Build your wife’s self-esteem and sense of security by asking for her input whenever you can, even on the small things. When you make a decision that might affect her, say: “I’m thinking about. What do you think of that?” or “I’m thinking we should. What would you like?”

Be supportive and accepting

Respect says, “I support you; you are valuable to me. You don’t have to be any different from who you are.” In return for this respect, a woman will be able to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a woman!

This article, written by Les Parrott, comes from the book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. It is written by Dr. Les Parrott and Dr. Leslie Parrott, published by Zondervan Publishing. As psychologist (Les) and marriage and family therapist (Leslie) counsel hundreds of married couples. They have “learned that living happily ever after is less a mystery than a mastery of certain skills.”

They have also written two workbooks as companions to this book —one for the man and one for the woman. “The twenty-one self-tests in the workbooks will help you and your partner put into action what is taught in this book.” As an additional help, they have provided questions for reflection at the end of each chapter. These questions are suitable as discussion starters for couples or small groups.

— ALSO —

Below is a web site link to an article written by pastoral counselor, Dr Don Dunlap. Dr. Dunlap offers “a checklist of ways that husbands typically offend their wives.” This tool is designed to help men “identify specific ways that they offend their wives.” After going through the list, husbands can then identify and work through these offenses with their wives. Please prayerfully read:

FOR MEN ONLY: A HUSBAND’S PERSONAL CHECKLIST

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Comments

151 responses to “What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

  1. (USA) What a beautiful article. Maybe more marriages will survive the test of time if we try harder to understand our wife’s needs. This isn’t about what men do wrong. Rather, it’s about what we can do right.

  2. (USA) If you are one of the husband types that wants a submissive wife then be the type of husband that God commands – loving, kind, considerate, self sacrificing, nurturing, excellent work ethic, provider, helpful and a blessing, be this always, lead by this! Have a submissive heart for your wive and she will do the same.

  3. (PHILIPPINES) At this time, I’m totally disappointed. I’m so angry. I feel betrayed, unloved and most of all I hate my husband for neglecting these 3 basic needs in our relationship. Actually, I’m in pain right now because my husband doesn’t do anything to contact me nor make conversations with me to get me back. He is so selfish, so self-centered, and he doesn’t understand me at all. I know I lost my temper with him, but it was deserved for not trusting me, for not treating me as his wife and for chatting with another woman, asking her to massage his hand, while we are on a video call. I hate him for that.

    For our 7 years of marriage he never tried to give me a flower or even a gift on our anniversary. He doesn’t want to hear if I have problems. He will just say: “I don’t like to hear negative things, just good things.” When we go out he will take me to a cheap restaurant while when we go out with his family he doesn’t mind how much he spends. I’m so tired of this relationship with him. I sacrificed a lot. I’m so depressed. It’s a good thing my mother and father are always there for me.

  4. I’ve noticed that a man gets out what he puts in his marriage. If you feel you are putting in too much and she isn’t then it’s most likely that her needs are not being met but instead you’re assuming what they are and dye better not be ungrateful – right? It puts marriages in Horrible silence. I finally got my needs met somewhat and then I could tolerate the lack of sex in my marriage.

    My husband today likes to throw it in my face that the lack of sex was because I cheated, which was not at all the case. We’ve been in this weird stuck yucky but doable place for 13 yrs now (20 yrs married) and I know he has to have his outlets too. He won’t admit it yet I admit mine and get totally talked down too but the sex never improves. He can go two months… I can’t go two days. I really like the closeness and of course pleasure of sex. My husband is a great guy. But I believe he is keeping his private life a secret so he appears to be the better person. What do you think about that? We are friends.We have kids, grandkids, houses, business with each other, and a lot of history together. Marriage isn’t perfect for everyone. I can manage if I have this one boyfriend in my life. Not boyfriends! I don’t think that’s had since I’ve good my husband the issues and he doesn’t change things in that area. That’s how I feel understood.

  5. I’m just a tenant in my house (that I can live with). All I wish is see my three children grow up to be independent. I no longer stress to make my marriage work. I’ve tried for seven years. My husband abuses me for coming from a poor background, for misspelling, for the clothes I put on. Just when we are about to go out together, he calls his brother, sister and husband to attend the function with him, leaving me behind. I’m a nursery school teacher who is also schooling. I just turned thirty and he keeps telling me I have nothing to show for that age, that he achieved much at that age. He slapped me while I was on the phone with my mother, yelling that I’m calling another man, ceased the phone and finds out it was my mum and starts accusing me of telling my mum how bad he is.

    What am I to do? I can’t pretend I love him. I don’t need sex anymore. I believe I can do without him alone, but I can’t educate the children with my small salary.

  6. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have been together for 8. We were high school sweethearts. I love him very much and I think he’s a very good husband. At home he treats me like a queen and loves on me. He makes me feel so special. But there is one thing that keeps coming up in our relationship causing hurt feelings. When we go out with a group of friends, whether it’s playing pool at a bar, bowling, going to a friend’s party etc., he has a hard time showing me attention. He keeps assuring me he wants me there and I have told him multiple times that if he needs guy time to just tell me and I’ll understand but he has not said that to me very often.

    He tells me he wants me there and has fun with me. But for just an example we went to a bar to play pool, a big passion of his, and I like it as well but we end up on different sides of the room and my heart hurts cause I don’t care about anyone else in the bar except him. I want to be the one laughing with him and talking all night. When I tell him how I feel, that I feel neglected when we around our friends, like I don’t exists he just says sarcastically, “what do you want from me? For me to just sit there and talk to you all night?” I say no, I don’t expect that and want him to talk to his friends but I wish for more interaction, more laughing and having fun TOGETHER.

    I don’t understand why this is hard for him because when we return home he becomes the man I fell in love with again. When I have gotten advice before they say he’s taking me for granted and disrespecting me and that he’s immature. So am I just supposed to wait until he matures; what more can I do? I have written him many letters and talked to him about it many times and nothing changes. This is the only thing in our marriage we have come up again and again.

  7. Get used to it. After so many years, couples grow apart. I don’t care if mine is home more than 4 days a month. It has been 5 years since we were intimate, due to health, mine and his. I don’t mind spending time with him, as far as I am told by him he misses me. I could care less most of the time, as all I want is relief from my back pain. Human interaction is over rated.

    1. So sorry Mary, that this is your experience. Yes, back pain is horrible and the desire to want relief from it can be all-consuming. I’ve suffered from horrible back pain for a great deal of my adult life. But I’ve also learned that “human interaction” when it is given in a comforting way and when I work not to allow my pain to be inflicted upon those I am with, can be wonderful. I hope you find relief today from your pain and that you also can bring a smile to others around you.

  8. I have been married for over 16 yrs. Since then I also adopted the first born in the family who is turning 17 yrs in June. I was surprised that my wife advised that I look for another women to marry since I don’t know how to make love to her but have plenty of sex with her. She disapproves of anything that I do and any idea that I express and blames me for the vagaries of weather.

    I have discovered she started a business with her male former colleague behind my back and juggles her hours at work with visiting the business, which is premised at the guy’s home. This is usually at nite and whenever she has a day off. Of late she hisses at me whenever I touch her and safe keeps her mobile phone to the extent that she turns and grabs it whenever she senses I am awake at night. I have tried to talk things over to discuss her hostility towards me but she says she cannot meet with a third party to dialogue even a marriage counselor to secure our marriage.

    She employs house help for me and our third born who is in class four, nine years. I asked her to make a choice between me and the business associate, however, she says we need to maintain our relationship for the sake of the children. I lately shifted houses but she came along yet she continues whining to me. I am so stressed and feel helpless. Please advise.

  9. Yes… good article. The problem I have is that, though I can make stupid mistakes like leaving socks on the floor [not all the time] and am terrible about making plans to do stuff together, I try very hard to listen, cherish, love be there, show affection, and yet, I’m still the bad guy. I’m the jerk who doesn’t cherish her… I’m stupid for my inability to listen to never-ending criticism, I’m an idiot for not understanding her pain [emotional or life stress].

    Everything in the article is very true and makes sense… but what is missing is that, for every relationship, there are many other factors. There seems to be varying magnitudes of wifely impressions of just how inattentive and uncherishing men are… at least in America. And I’m talking about relationships without physical or emotional abuse or cheating and what not.

    I have been talking with friends and coworkers over the years who are decent husbands and we laugh that it sounds like we’re all married to the same person. But the sad side is, the men I’m talking about don’t demean their wifes. They go to work and come home and spend time with their family. The points of contention seem to be 1. No matter whether the job is full time or not, it’s always a problem that the husband gets to leave and have free time at work. 2. Demands that on every whim the husband should give the man a break and not go to work 3. Projects that need to be done around the house are criticized as never being done. If the husband actually tries to get it done, he is accused of not spending time with the family OR that she once again has no free time/has to just do house work 4. Large difficult jobs [landscaping, plumbing jobs] are met with ‘is that all you got done? [A good example is the need to completely clean out and organize a garage… the wives think it takes 30 minutes when it’s a two day job… they seem to think you just throw things away. 5. These wives think you should always just pay people to do jobs… even when there’s no money in the account. 6. Tasks keep changing… one day it’s a fence needs to be put up [but saying we need to save money and budget for it is being negative] the next day it is a bathroom project, etc.

    I’ve lived through a time when, if my wife says her feet hurt, I massage her feet and hold her hand only to be told later in the day that I’m completely unaffectionate. She wants a sabbatical… since she works so hard with the kids and animals at home while I’m free at work. If I walk the dog it’s freedom… if she walks the dog it’s work. She’ll say, “Don’t speak for me and put words in my mouth…” then she’ll proceed to say, “You don’t love me and cherish me… you think I’m horrible. On and on…

    From some readings… it seems to be a combination of Perimenopausal behavior [which she and female friends laugh and call an attack of the crazies {ha ha}] and Borderline Personality Disorder. What do you do with that? I get threatened not by me saying “I want a divorce”…but her saying “You obviously want a divorce.” When she goes on a rant… the kids know it’s coming… I listen and keep my mouth shut… or then hit a limit and then start pushing back. She’ll say leave the house until I start to leave, then she says don’t leave and begins cussing. I leave for the sake of the kids and she tends to calm down… but then the endless texting. So I now block her.

    Recently hearing about Saint Dymphna… I’ve started pleading my case to her [as obviously with Jesus and the mother of God]. How many of us plead with Jesus and all of heaven for some help? Yes, please help my spouse and myself…open my eyes to my flaws and make me a better husband and her a better wife. Heal any mental illness, guide us out of our flaws and please, God, please turn Your face upon our family and grant us the peace that surpasses all understanding. Good luck to you all… and thanks for letting me rant.

  10. I don’t care what my wife wants, she does whatever wives do. She goes her way and I do my own thing, I want nothing to do with her.

    Married 47 years and why change things, had sex with her once what more would I do, well nothing. Why we got married I have no idea, I didn’t want kids so we didn’t have any. We have lived separately for 47 years. The only thing that we do is live on the same piece of property. I currently live in my garage with attached apartment, and she has the house.

    1. The original article is spot on… it is so very important to have your feelings validated. My fiancé has a very hard time with this and it is very frustrating… to the point I don’t want to talk to him about anything.

  11. My daughter and her husband are a nice Christian couple. We live in Pa. USA and they live in Fla. We try to visit each other once a year. There is an issue however, that my son in law doesn’t seem to understand. When we visit with each other it has to be everybody with everybody else all the time. There are times when I would like to be alone with my daughter and the children. It’s like all or nothing.

    When the first grandchild was born I went to help but he was resentful that I would step in to take care of the baby. He uses the example that when he was a child his family went on vacation together. I was born and raised in Europe. When I married an American I left everything behind, family and friends. The only way to communicate was by letters. Eventually we were able to make a phone call once a year. There was a time when I did not see my Family for 10 yrs. I had lost my Dad just before my marriage.

    I don’t see why I cannot spend some girls time with daughter and grandchildren. I don’t know if it is an issue of sex deprivation or of hating being alone. When he comes home from work he usually takes naps. He is hearing impaired and my daughter took care of the children all by herself after they were born. Does he want to reenact act his childhood? He is 6 yrs. younger than his wife. I do not know exactly what the problem is but it is not healthy.

    Do you have any suggestions or books that you can recommend with good scriptural applications. Thank you so much!!!

    1. Dear Louisa, To say I can relate is an understatement. I truly sympathize with your situation. I’ve been praying for you and for what to write since you left your comment. I feel impressed to say something, but it sure isn’t easy. It would be wonderful, Louisa, if life was fair –that things that make sense to us would also make sense to others, and they would change their attitudes and actions accordingly. But sadly, that’s not something that happens very often, when it comes to situations like you describe.

      You’re right, I don’t see why you “cannot spend some girl time” with your daughter and grandchildren. It makes sense to me. But that doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen. I tried to make sure that my husband had exclusive time with him and his parents, and him and our sons at times (they are since deceased). It made sense to me. And I’m sure it was a blessing to them. But I’m not seeing this happen as much in this generation, as I believe I saw in ours. Maybe I’m just blind.

      Whatever it is, the fact is that once our “children” marry, we are then delegated to take a back seat approach to their lives. It’s just the way it is. It’s the “leave and cleave as one” approach that is laid out in the Bible. Even if they’re doing “wrong” or something you think isn’t advisable, we still have to be very careful in our approach (if it’s wise to approach at all). Our role, after they say their vows, is to then be supportive (to the degree that we can be) and not one where we cause problems in their relationship (unless God reveals abuse and He shows you a different approach). We have to work with things the way they are, not necessarily the way we want them to be. That’s the reality of the situation.

      I can’t say much in this format, because I have relatives that can read this and it can cause problems. But I can say that as parents, and in-laws, all we can do is what we can do, and look to God to help us do the best we can, accordingly. Life isn’t always fair on this side of Heaven. We look to God for wisdom, and discernment to help us do what we should and ask for His comfort when matters are directed at us in hurtful directions.

      Louisa, the only thing I can say is to see if you can talk to your daughter (very carefully, and God-led) when it’s appropriate, asking her if you can do some things together as daughter and grandchildren once in a while. Tell her it’s nothing against her husband, but it would mean a lot if it could happen. And then make sure that you tell her to let him have that type of time with his parents sometimes, because it would be a wonderful gift to give them once in a while. If this can happen, then great! If it can’t, then you’re just going to have to quit looking at what you can’t have and focus on what you can do instead. Don’t put energy into the “if only’s” if they will take you down destructive mental roads.

      I recommend that you read and glean through the “Dealing with Parents” and the “In Laws” topics on this web site. You will find scriptures there and perhaps some ideas that may help you. Above all, you need to “take your thoughts captive” as we’re told in the Bible. Don’t mentally feed that, which will make things worse in dealing with the reality of the situation. Apply the Philippians 4:8-9 principle, putting your mind on that which God promises will lead you to His peace. There are times when I have to grab my mind (sometimes many, many times) and tell myself, “don’t even go there” and then put my mind upon that, which is “true, noble, right, pure, lovely” etc. As we’re told in Philippians 4:4-7, we’re not to “let gentleness be evident to all” and not to be “anxious about anything.” If we do this, we’re promised God’s peace. It may take a while to get there, but it DOES come.

      Perhaps (probably) you are called to try to find the good in your son-in-law and apply Philippians 4:8-9, in building him up in your thoughts and to find ways to encourage him in the good things he does (I’m sure he does some good things). By doing this, you may find things going in a better direction, plus, you will be doing this “as unto the Lord” in blessing our Heavenly Father.

      The saying goes, “that, which does not kill us will make us stronger.” That’s so true. These types of issues become character builders. We wish we didn’t have to be in character building situations, but that is something that God asks of us on this side of heaven. You see it throughout the Bible. He cares more about our character, than our comfort. I pray for you Louisa, I pray the Lord helps you, comforts you, and leads and aids you in directing your thoughts in healthy directions instead of giving energy to that, which you cannot change. If you can change it… wonderful, but if not, then it’s important to direct your energy and thoughts elsewhere. I also pray for God’s favor for you, that He shows you pinpoints of blessings amidst the difficult times. May you be blessed.

  12. Hi all, here’s my dilemma, I was with my more ex for ten yrs. It wasn’t the typical lifestyle in that we were so isolated from civilization the majority of the last few yrs and I suffered a traumatic brain injury after 3 yrs, suffered from an addiction, and was not a native of his home state. After we lost our job at a ranch for many reasons he has stated that he was resentful for that. He also had a personal issue with my past even though he had always known about it, in the end end, it was just one more check in the his, no way idea about us.

    He has proposed to me after my injury and there was a lot of issues about me going back to our isolation, which also happened to become my life. I’ve always been that girl that chameleons herself and life into what her environment or surrounding circumstances happened to be. Therefore I was a needy, clingy, lost wife that was starved of love by the only person in my life, after ten yrs.
    I had gotten married to this man , who i still love today, had my entire life with me because I was married and on my own with my husband, therefore, I had my entire life across the country.

    He pulled away for a few reasons, that I can say were kind of legit. But aside from my character flaws in his eyes, the fact that I became a different person after my brain injury he also said he fell out of love. Meanwhile I could sense something wasn’t there but I loved him and still do, so much so that I in turn tried too hard to where he no longer felt a desire or lost his try or desire to keep anything regarding me at all.

    This has left me with the biggest, most undesirable, most loss of confidence, esteem, and self respect because, even though he may have hidden his true feelings, to me it’s as if he kept me in volley until he had something pretty secure with someone else, and then it was the harshest reality check imaginable from the one person you were subjected to in ten yrs.

    I had no friends because I went from the outgoing, fun, funny, personal, and somewhat self assured person he loved to this awkward, no self confidence having, insecure person that was making him feel less than, like he felt that he was going to be ostracized and judged by all of his small-town friends. Almost embarrassed by me and thinking that he was screwed in his getting a hot fun wife, like he thought he didn’t have… please give me your take on my scenario –a little advice that might give me even a little bit of positive gain. Thanks.

  13. Bottom Line: Two words – Mutual Respect. Think of the other persons feelings (women and men both) before you speak. Never, never criticize anyone in front of others. It takes 10 positive comments to make up for one negative comment.

  14. I have been married 28 years. My husband and I have always had ups and downs. Been to marriage counseling many times in the first 15 years. Since my kids have grown up, he has changed. He neglects me. Tells me to shut up at times. Did not bring me flowers on our 25th anniversary. He keeps secrets and lies to me about things. Tells me everything is fine with us even though we don’t talk much. He is only allowed to talk. Says I am crazy or I am making up things when I tell him we don’t communicate any more or he doesn’t care about me anymore. He ignores what I say and says he didnt do anything wrong. He puts on a nice show in front of my kids. I am mentally exhausted. I am trying to get him to change or I will want a divorce. He got the oil changed on the car on our Anniversary this year. I thought we were going to breakfast.

  15. Can you respond to, why is it once your kids are grown, many men begin to treat their wives like strangers. So many of my Christian friends have ended up in divorce recently.

    1. I am going to offer my own perspective to a husband cherishing his wife. My husband no longer cherishes anything from me, he does not respect his fathers wishes in any way and really wants him dead. I also have to say that we deserve everything my husband dishes out.

      We spent 33 years controlling almost everything my husband did for the benefit of friends, for the benefit of special privilege in society or political positition, or just because it was easier than listening to people cry about my husband taking a right he earned, and not letting someone that had not earned it yet have what my husband earned like vacation slots. holidays off or weekends off, shift choice and job choice.

      We felt he should have taken pride in the fact his time solved many problems, he worked every day but ten from 1981 to 2009 helping family’s be together for vacations, assisting in getting fathers and mothers to be participiitory to their children’s lives, even helping in new relationships while they developed, however he feels any thing but pride in this, he asked us all why was it his responsibility to give his life up and his time for everyone else being forced to give up his chance for a family of his own. Now my husband staged and beat us all down in his 13 year revolt hurting many of us in the process, me he just forced into sex two years ago so that makes me infiinetly better than his father whose neck was broken in march by his son my husband in defiance.

      I really don’t know who was right and wrong in this. Two years ago I certainly did not feel respect or cherished when after three years of rehab my husband came home on a very cold February day after three years relearning to walk after MRSA set into his spine. was supposed to go to a political fund raising dinner with his fathers best friend when he came through the door, I felt nothing but terror the next hour. when first my husband told me I was not going. not wearing a outfit he had paid for and a jewelry set he had bought 14 years before Christmas 1997 and I had never worn it for him. He said you rembember what you gave me that year, my ten dollar bill and the two turkey sandwiches at the plant gate and everyone drove of laughing, he asked me why I thought I deserved any consideration or being cherished since I had not been a wife since the day we married, he asked had you ever cooked the one meal I had on my thousands of work days, he said I usually cooked my own meal because you were out with your society friends, did I wash his cloths. he said same excuse. he said did I ever have children, he said unless I was pregnant by another man never one of his, he said by the way how did I keep that from happening being the community girlfriend for my pimp father. He asked how many vacations had I been out CONUS to even a vacation for him being just at home, he said as far as he could tell as of 2 years ago the score stood ten nothing using the money he had to stay and earn for me to go. he then asked where I went on those vacations.
      That next few seconds I realized just how far the resentment he was forced to work so much went, that is also the evening I lost any say in the way holidays vacations and anything else in my husbands or my life, he also took from me my right to say no to sex, and has been running over everyone he felt wronged him over 33 years, and can add ten more years for his father and his inner circle of friends, in fact the last six years has seen his father so scared he was going to die at his sons hands 3 times he now sits and cry’s about no respect for any one now.