We receive an incredible number of comments from those who are at their worst emotionally. They are reeling in trying to heal from the aftermath of an affair. Homes are being torn apart everywhere we turn. How tremendously sad and tragic! If only these spouses would have put the effort into having a loving affair with their spouse, rather than outside of the marriage!
Have a Loving Affair with Your SPOUSE?
It may sound weird to have a loving affair with your spouse; but is it really? Having an affair with someone outside of your marriage is a sin. But what about putting that same energy and creative effort into having an affair with your spouse? Wouldn’t that spice up your love relationship with each other? Why should we settle for a ho-hum life together when we can add excitement to it? Yes, it will take extra effort. But isn’t that what love is all about?
One of the reasons affairs happen is because the cheating spouse is looking for some type of “magic.” They are looking for (or stumble upon) excitement, connection and/or the affirmation that they crave. And many times, they didn’t even realize they craved it until it’s already in motion. Other times they are just prone to finding that type of “magic” in sinful ways. But we’re not talking about that here. We’re talking about investing in your loving relationship with your marriage partner.
Let’s face it; married life can become very daily. It can even settle into being boring. There are so many responsibilities to tend to, spouses can lose the spark of excitement and unpredictability that many people desire.
Dave Carder addresses this matter. He was interviewed a while ago on Family Life Today. (The program was titled, “How Do I Rebuild Trust?”) Here’s a portion of what he shared.
Dave gave the following insight:
Infidelity is a three-legged stool. It’s composed of childhood magic, adolescent sexuality, and adult mobility. Meaning that it’s a bubble experience, and the childhood magic stuff. You see a couple that are having an affair, you can see they’re in a bubble. They’re separated from the real world. There is that adolescent passion and feeling; and there’s also that adult mobility. They can go anywhere that they want. Plus, they have discretionary funds they spend on each other.
It’s an artificial thing. But I say to couples, most marriages need what most affairs are all about. And by that, I mean you need to build those three components into your marriage—the childhood magic stuff—just us, in our little bubble away from all the responsibilities of life, away from all the responsibilities of the children and the career.
We need to put into it the adolescent sexuality, and the fun. The playfulness we had when we first got married is needed. And we need to add the passion we had before we were married. This is a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was a constant struggle.
Bottom Line to Having a Loving Affair?
Have a loving affair within your MARRIAGE!
It’s important to enjoy the one you’re with—your marriage partner. Put intentionality into creating magic with your spouse. Don’t be so lazy and take each other for granted. And make sure flirting is involved. That’s one of the things that keeps our marriage “sparky” and fun. You’re never too old to flirt with each other. And if you think you are, you need to tune up your thinking and your actions. Let your spouse know that you are their lover by your words and actions. If you need a few tips, read (and apply):
Plus, we have a lot of tips on this web site to help you. Just look around. Also, here is an article to help you, as well. They give some great tips:
Additionally, we love what Pastor Ray Pritchard pointed out. He talked about being a magical lover. This is someone who learns to keep a marriage interesting and yet faithfully lived out. He heard someone say:
“To me the greatest lover in the world was my dad. He was a man who married my mother and was faithful to her until the day he died 55 years later. Now, that’s a great lover—a man who’s intelligent and romantic enough to keep one woman interested all the time.’
Ray then went on to say:
“Do you know who said that? He was a well-known romantic actor whose name is Ricardo Montalban and he has followed in his father’s footsteps. He has been married to the same woman for over 45 years.”
Whether you know who Ricardo is or not, isn’t important. What IS important is the priorities his father lived out in front of him. As a result, this inspired him in his marriage. His father was truly a GREAT man. Plus, he was faithful to the end. What a great example of having a loving affair with your spouse! But please note:
“Staying faithful doesn’t just involve not sleeping with someone other than your spouse. It means putting your best effort and energy into enhancing the romance you have with your mate. In other words, faithfulness is more than just saying no to others; it’s also saying yes to your spouse.” (Steve Chapman)
And that takes persevering commitment and sometimes it takes courage. We all go through tough, tempting times. Are you a courageous spouse—faithful, in all your ways? Do you “lead the way to break the chains” of unfaithfulness?
We hope and pray so. We also hope the following inspires you to live courageously:
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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