Have a Loving Affair With Your Spouse

Dollar Photo - Loving AffairWe receive an incredible number of comments from those who are at their worst emotionally. They are reeling in trying to heal from the aftermath of an affair. Homes are being torn apart everywhere we turn. How tremendously sad and tragic! If only these spouses would have put the effort into having a loving affair with their spouse, rather than outside of the marriage!

Have a Loving Affair with Your SPOUSE?

It may sound weird to have a loving affair with your spouse; but is it really? Having an affair with someone outside of your marriage is a sin. But what about putting that same energy and creative effort into having an affair with your spouse? Wouldn’t that spice up your love relationship with each other? Why should we settle for a ho-hum life together when we can add excitement to it? Yes, it will take extra effort. But isn’t that what love is all about?

One of the reasons affairs happen is because the cheating spouse is looking for some type of “magic.” They are looking for (or stumble upon) excitement, connection and/or the affirmation that they crave. And many times, they didn’t even realize they craved it until it’s already in motion. Other times they are just prone to finding that type of “magic” in sinful ways. But we’re not talking about that here. We’re talking about investing in your loving relationship with your marriage partner.

Let’s face it; married life can become very daily. It can even settle into being boring. There are so many responsibilities to tend to, spouses can lose the spark of excitement and unpredictability that many people desire.

Dave Carder addresses this matter. He was interviewed a while ago on Family Life Today. (The program was titled, “How Do I Rebuild Trust?”) Here’s a portion of what he shared.

Dave gave the following insight:

Infidelity is a three-legged stool. It’s composed of childhood magic, adolescent sexuality, and adult mobility. Meaning that it’s a bubble experience, and the childhood magic stuff. You see a couple that are having an affair, you can see they’re in a bubble. They’re separated from the real world. There is that adolescent passion and feeling; and there’s also that adult mobility. They can go anywhere that they want. Plus, they have discretionary funds they spend on each other.

It’s an artificial thing. But I say to couples, most marriages need what most affairs are all about. And by that, I mean you need to build those three components into your marriage—the childhood magic stuff—just us, in our little bubble away from all the responsibilities of life, away from all the responsibilities of the children and the career.

We need to put into it the adolescent sexuality, and the fun. The playfulness we had when we first got married is needed. And we need to add the passion we had before we were married. This is a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was a constant struggle.

Bottom Line to Having a Loving Affair?

Have a loving affair within your MARRIAGE!

It’s important to enjoy the one you’re with—your marriage partner. Put intentionality into creating magic with your spouse. Don’t be so lazy and take each other for granted. And make sure flirting is involved. That’s one of the things that keeps our marriage “sparky” and fun. You’re never too old to flirt with each other. And if you think you are, you need to tune up your thinking and your actions. Let your spouse know that you are their lover by your words and actions. If you need a few tips, read (and apply):


Plus, we have a lot of tips on this web site to help you. Just look around. Also, here is an article to help you, as well. They give some great tips:


Additionally, we love what Pastor Ray Pritchard pointed out. He talked about being a magical lover. This is someone who learns to keep a marriage interesting and yet faithfully lived out. He heard someone say:

“To me the greatest lover in the world was my dad. He was a man who married my mother and was faithful to her until the day he died 55 years later. Now, that’s a great lover—a man who’s intelligent and romantic enough to keep one woman interested all the time.’

Greatest Lover

Ray then went on to say:

“Do you know who said that? He was a well-known romantic actor whose name is Ricardo Montalban and he has followed in his father’s footsteps. He has been married to the same woman for over 45 years.”

Whether you know who Ricardo is or not, isn’t important. What IS important is the priorities his father lived out in front of him. As a result, this inspired him in his marriage. His father was truly a GREAT man. Plus, he was faithful to the end. What a great example of having a loving affair with your spouse! But please note:

“Staying faithful doesn’t just involve not sleeping with someone other than your spouse. It means putting your best effort and energy into enhancing the romance you have with your mate. In other words, faithfulness is more than just saying no to others; it’s also saying yes to your spouse.” (Steve Chapman)

And that takes persevering commitment and sometimes it takes courage. We all go through tough, tempting times. Are you a courageous spouse—faithful, in all your ways? Do you “lead the way to break the chains” of unfaithfulness?

We hope and pray so. We also hope the following inspires you to live courageously:

Cindy and Steve Wright


To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

7 Essentials - Marriage book


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2 responses to “Have a Loving Affair With Your Spouse

  1. (USA) I’m not sure I’m comfortable calling it an affair. How about calling it dating your spouse and taking time to be newlyweds each and every day?

  2. (SOUTH AFRICA) As a true believer and by a quickening from the Holy Spirit with a similiar experience in my past. I was allowed to share this with you. Religion has told us that after you accept Jesus Christ your sins are no more remembered. Then why do people who have truly repented repeatedly commit fornication and adultery??? This is what was revealed like puzzle pieces falling into one picture by the Holy Spirit.

    When Jesus died for our sins the first sin he covered was the eternal death curse from the tree of knowledge. By spiritually growing in our new lives in Abba Father through Holy Spirit filled lives and bearing Holy fruit we cut lose all ties to sin with the sharp two edged sword, word of God as mentioned in Hebrews. Father God opened my eyes to Sins of the fathers and cutting soul ties with it. Father God showed me King David… he was seduced by the beauty of Bathsheba and committed murder too. King Solomon was seduced by many women, thus being empathetic to their false gods.

    What was not done was the soul tie cutting with fornication and adultery of the father to the son with the word of God. Until the sword Hebrews 4:12, the sharp double edged sword that separates soul and spirit takes place. These sins are lying like traps. Our souls belong to God as newborns in Christ. But spirits like Jezebel and Religious spirits… those that only obey the laws and come to make us feel inadequate and not saved and don’t know the true love and birth in and through Jesus.

    They continually try to attach themselves through hurt mostly. These are removed by asking through Jesus blood to cut these ties loose by using this sword prophetically. “Ye have not because ye ask not.” Please don’t just take my word for it… test this and research this against the Bible. Ask away, ask Abba Father. Much blessings