We receive an incredible amount of comments from those who are at their worst emotionally. They are reeling in trying to heal from the aftermath of an affair. Homes are being torn apart everywhere we turn. How tremendously sad and tragic! If only these spouses would have put the effort into having a loving affair with their spouse, rather than outside of the marriage!
Loving Affair WITH a Spouse?
I know that sounds weird. But is it?
One of the reasons why affairs happen is that the cheating spouse is looking for some type of “magic.” They are looking for some type of excitement and affirmation that they crave. Married life can become very daily. With so many responsibilities to tend to, they lose the spark of excitement and unpredictability that some people crave.
Dave Carder was interviewed a while ago on Dennis Rainey’s program, Family Life Today. (It was a program titled, “How Do I Rebuild Trust”).
Dave gave the following insight:
Infidelity is a three-legged stool. It’s composed of childhood magic, adolescent sexuality, and adult mobility. Meaning that it’s a bubble experience, and the childhood magic stuff. You see a couple that are having an affair, you can see they’re in a bubble. They’re separated from the real world. There is that adolescent passion and feeling, and there’s that adult mobility –-they can go anywhere that they want. They have discretionary funds they spend on each other.
It’s an artificial thing. But I say to couples, most marriages need what most affairs are all about. And by that I mean you need to build those three components into your marriage —the childhood magic stuff —just us in our little bubble away from all the responsibilities of life, away from all the responsibilities of the children and the career.
We need to put into it the adolescent sexuality, and the fun. The playfulness we had when we first got married is needed. And we need to add the passion we had before we were married. This is a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was a constant struggle.
Have an affair within your MARRIAGE.
You need to enjoy the one you’re with —your marriage partner. You need to put intentionality into creating magic with your spouse, rather than apart from him or her.
I love what Pastor Ray Pritchard (Keepbelieving.org in the sermon titled, “Forever and Ever Amen”) pointed out. He talked about being a magical lover. This is someone who learns to keep a marriage interesting and yet faithfully lived out. He heard someone say:
“To me the greatest lover in the world was my Dad. He was a man who married my mother and was faithful to her until the day he died 55 years later. Now, that’s a great lover —a man who’s intelligent and romantic enough to keep one woman interested all the time.’
Ray then went on to say:
“Do you know who said that? He was a well-known romantic actor whose name is Ricardo Montalban and he has followed in his father’s footsteps. He has been married to the same woman for over 45 years.”
Whether you know who Ricardo is or not, it isn’t important. What IS important is what his father lived out in front of him, which inspired him in his marriage. His father was truly a GREAT man. He was one who was faithful to the end —one who learned to make his marriage so exciting that he inspires others to faithfulness, as well.
A cheat? He or she is worth a dime a dozen —cheap through and through. But what of a faithful man or woman —one who will fight through all that assaults a marriage? Priceless! He or she, above all, is COURAGEOUS! We’re all called to be courageous. Are you a courageous spouse –faithful, in all your ways? Do you “lead the way to break the chains” of unfaithfulness?
I hope this inspires you to live courageously:
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this blog.
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