Wisdom for Christian Wives Regarding Sex – Sarah Eggerichs

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3 responses to “Wisdom for Christian Wives Regarding Sex – Sarah Eggerichs

  1. Been married 24 years. I’m 53 she is 47. It has been a year since she had hysterectomy which left her with only one ovary. She says once a week is all she wants sex but even that one time there is no passion or desire in her eyes, she will not even kiss me. She says sex is all I think about but twice a week is what I want. I have talked to her so many times why she does not want me and she says she has no libido. Need help. I am a Christian man that is faithful and good to her and our 2 children 13 and 11. Is it a sin to want your wife? Hate to say it but if I were propositioned I don’t know how I would act.

    1. Keith, what you and your wife are going through is repeated multiple thousands of times across the world every week. We know because we hear from so many. Unfortunately, there is no “easy” answer. I’d be willing to bet your wife’s self-image/self-esteem is in the toilet since her hysterectomy and with all the hormonal changes she has been dealing with. You didn’t come right out and say it but because you’ve been married 24 years I’m assuming there was a time when your wife did enjoy the sexual relationship in your marriage. Didn’t her doctor tell her that after her operation she would probably go right into menopause? And didn’t he tell her there were medications available to help balance her hormones through that time? There’s also the possibility that she’s suffering from a form a depression – also normal when going through menopause, and also very treatable.

      We have a number of articles on our web site in the SEXUAL ISSUES section that might help illuminate more you can do to help her; and there’s one in particular that could help you and her – if she’s willing to read it. It’s “When A Wife Doesn’t Want Sex” (https://marriagemissions.com/wife-does-not-want-sex/). There are other links to more articles within this one.

      I also came across a blog by a woman who withheld sex from her husband for 20 years. She’s trying to help other women who don’t want sex with their husbands break out of that pattern. https://forgivenwife.com/six-things-know-sexual-refusal/

      Because you’re a Christian couple I would hope that she would want to seek what God wants her to do in this situation. Have the two of you prayed together about this? Not having a libido is a natural outcome for what she’s going through; not wanting any intimacy with you, including non-sexual (i.e. kissing), is not. God created us to be sexual beings.

      Now, here’s the hard part for you. Even if your wife refuses to seek help for this issue God is still calling you to be faithful – to the end. There is no “wiggle room” with God when it comes to marital faithfulness – even if you’re propositioned by the most sensual woman in the world. And you need to settle that right now – not when an “opportunity” may present itself. This is as true if your wife became paralyzed from the neck down and could never have sex with you again — or sadly — if she chooses (wrongfully) to never have sex with you again. She will be accountable before God one day for her decisions and you’ll be accountable before God for yours. Keep in mind that you have an 11 and 13 year old who are watching the two of you and they are registering in their brains how a husband and a wife treat each other even in difficult times. You are Jesus with skin on to them.

      Believe me, Keith, I wish I could say a few magic words and fix this for you and every other man in the world who’s going through the exact same thing. Finally, here’s a link to a song I want you to listen to and I hope you make it the pray of your life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c3yau5gASM&list=RD4c3yau5gASM#t=12 Blessings! ~Steve Wright

  2. My wife and I have been married 31 years. I believed our marriage has been overall good. But I have an issue that is frustrating me. Sex. I tried to be open and honest. I have been faithful, take her out and give body massages. But I feel I’m not getting the same treatment. When it comes to sex it seems I have to approach her. When I tell her my fantasies and ask what is hers, she will say I’m not going to tell you. You can’t handle it. She removed her pictures of her swimsuit after she was told how much I loved them. Finally when I spoke to her she said “all you think about is sex?” After that, I just shut down. In spite of that she wants a body massage and to be served. As a result, I have turned to swingers and porn websites. I don’t want to be unfaithful and have no intention, but I am 60 years old and frustrated. Sometimes I feel this was wasted.