How to Know if Your Spouse is Having an Affair

Affair - How to Know if - Morgue file - IMG_6806Are you starting to question if your spouse may be having an extramarital affair? Do you see and sense certain things, that makes you suspicious of his or her faithfulness to you and your marriage? Are you wondering how to know if your spouse is having an affair, or not?

Affair Suspicions

Whether or not adultery is actually happening, your suspicions are telling you that something is wrong. You feel a need to probe a bit more, but how? What “evidence” do you look for or recognize as it’s all put together? What will help you to come to the wisest conclusion as to whether or not your spouse is committing adultery?

Maybe you’ve even asked him or her a few probing questions and there is a complete denial. But something still doesn’t seem quite right. You don’t want to come out and blatantly accuse your spouse of being unfaithful if it’s not true. (You know that can cause even more problems.) But on the other hand, there is still this nagging feeling inside that your spouse isn’t being honest.


“Is he/she or isn’t he/she cheating on me?” You need to have these questions answered honestly. No one wants to be played the fool, and no one wants their spouse to deceive them. Yet how do you know what to look for? How do you know if your spouse will answer your questions honestly?

Let’s face it, if a spouse has lowered himself or herself to such a low level as to commit adultery, what makes you think that they will suddenly stop the deception, and become honest with you? It is possible it could happen, but not likely.

So for this reason (and many more), you need to approach this matter wisely. It’s important to have your eyes as open and your perceptions as keenly alert, as it is possible.

Important Affair Information

“Hindsight is 20/20, and so it goes with affairs from the spouse’s point of view. Just prior to actual disclosure, the spouse will often come upon subtle or even obvious clues with increasing frequency. Bits and pieces of information that spell out ‘a-f-f-a-i-r’ will come to light, but only when the spouse looks back.

“Those pieces of information contribute to the spouse’s feeling foolish in the wake of the discovery. ‘Why didn’t I see it coming? How could I have been so stupid?’ The self-incrimination goes on endlessly as the spouse berates herself (or himself) for not picking up on the signals that now seem clear.” (Dave Carder, Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair)

Facing Facts

Facing the fact that a spouse may be cheating on you is difficult enough! But to have the pain multiplied by going through a prolonged period of doubting and questioning, makes it all the worse.

How to Know If Your Spouse is Having an Affair

So, to help you to recognize the important “signals” your spouse may or may not be leaving around, we have provided links to several web sites that address this issue. As you read them, keep in mind that the author may be addressing a certain gender. It’s not within our power to change that. But PLEASE don’t get hung up on that issue. Read the information. It’s sound information. These articles apply to both genders. BOTH genders cheat, and this may help the betrayed spouse to better know whether it’s happening or not.

We hope they will help you to discover what you need to know, one way or the other.

Please click onto the web site links below to read:

Warning Signs of an Affair

Top 10 Signs of Infidelity


The Warning Signs of Infidelity


Here is another article that would be good for you to read:

• When You Suspect Your Spouse is Cheating and They Won’t Confess

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair

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26 responses to “How to Know if Your Spouse is Having an Affair

  1. For the last 20 months my wife has been away, living abroad due to some problems, not related to our marriage. Should I be worried?

    1. I would be. It tells me that she feels she can better solve her “problems” without being at your side, than with you. 20 months is an enormous amount of time to put in this place. That’s how couples “grow apart.” Please find a way to get back together so you can start growing together, and not allow anything to separate you –whether it’s geographical, and/or emotional.

    1. Search your true identity in Christ and pray for this battle! Don’t give up. He has you.

    1. Ikechi, There may be no good way to know and no good way to ask. And if you were to get an answer and find out that she is involved in a relationship outside of your marriage relationship, what would you then do? How would an answer change how you should be acting in your marriage? I have a suggestion for you to consider: The fact that you are concerned shows that your wife is at least somewhat at risk of becoming involved in a relationship outside of your marriage. Why not just act to address that risk by drawing closer to her in your words and actions and through your love to her. And be continually in prayer asking the Lord to bring healing and restoration and renewed life to your marriage relationship.

      You can be completely confident that the Lord will hear your prayer and that it is His will that your marriage be restored. Cling to that truth and pour your love into your relationship with your wife. I will be praying for you and your wife. May our Lord be close to you and give you encouragement and comfort and patience and perseverance. May your marriage relationship be restored by His healing power. I ask these things in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus, Amen!