So, what’s your marriage mission as a couple? Have you ever considered what God has for you to do as a married couple that you couldn’t have achieved by yourself? Most couples ask the question, “How can we get the most out of our marriage?” And that’s a very valid question. It’s one we’ve visited many times. But there’s another question that also needs to be asked. It’s one that David and Teresa Ferguson came to realize. And we did too.
In his book, “Never Alone” David wrote,
“When God blesses the marriage, it experiences abundance, and the oneness for which the couple longs is achieved. But Teresa and I paused to wonder: Were we asking the wrong question? Was our motivation for oneness self-centered when it should be God-centered? Instead of asking, ‘How can we get the most out of our marriage?’ should we instead be asking, ‘What does God want out of our marriage?”
That’s a question that we asked too. And as a result, God led us to look at our marriage relationship in a searching way. What is the Marriage Mission that God has for us as a couple? That led us to pray about and then write out our personal marriage mission statement. By going through the journey of writing ours, along with writing out our core values and our vision statement we gained focus and clarity. We’re so glad we did it. And we believe you will be if you write out yours together. We encourage you to do so. It brings great clarity and vision.
Your Marriage Mission?
Wikipedia defines a Mission Statement as: “…a statement of the purpose of a company, organization or person, its reason for existing. The mission statement should guide the actions of the organization, spell out its overall goal, provide a path, and guide decision-making.”
Here’s what David and Gretchen Willard say about exploring your marriage mission through writing a marriage mission/vision statement:
“Creating a vision statement for you marriage helps you to keep your focus on the central goal of your marriage. It unifies your expectations together. Plus it shows you what needs to be done to achieve your vision.”
Jimmy Evans writes:
“I tell couples that they have to have a vision for their marriage. If God has a purpose for your marriage—and I believe He does—then vision is letting God reveal to you what that purpose is. It’s asking, ‘God, why did you put us together?’ and listening for the answer.”
And then Dr Dave Currie gives this additional insight:
“A Marriage Mission Statement (MMS) is a vision for what you want your marriage to be. Done well, it will help shape the next generation too. The stronger YOUR relationship is the greater security and stability you will give you children. A MMS is an expression of your core values of life for your primary relationships — God and spouse. It will reflect your priorities — what’s important to you. It is a merger of what you believe life and marriage are about.”
So how do you write a Marriage Mission Statement?
Steps and Suggestions for Writing a Marriage/Vision Statement
The following are some steps and suggestions made by several marriage experts:
Start your vision statement by writing all the positive, affirming words that describe your ideal of marriage. Use nouns, verbs, and adjectives.
Consolidate your words into sentences that inspire you, drive you, and cover your dreams as a couple.
Review your vision with your spouse and revise until both of you agree it describes the ideal picture of your marriage.
Put it in an obvious place. Read it daily. Memorize it.
(David and Gretchen Willard, share these in their book, “Breakthrough Marriage.” There is additional detail in the web site article, Creating a Vision Statement for Your Marriage)
Here are some additional suggestions:
• Be careful about adding too much that is really secondary. A Marriage Mission Statement is not a collection of everything you believe. It is your core values [what matters to you the most].
• Choose a scripture verse: Ask God to lead you to a verse that is going to frame your marriage.
• Spend time tweaking and praying: You want to be in full agreement with the final product. Tweak the wording into clear and warm language. When committed to it, post it in a prominent place in your home. Ask God to help you live it.
(Dr Dave Currie, from the doingfamilyright.com article, Developing a Marriage Mission Statement)
And then, from another source, here are additional guidelines:
A mission statement (be it a marriage or business) needs to address the following questions:
- What is the purpose of your marriage?
- What are your dreams or long-term goals?
- Plus, what principles or beliefs guide our marriage/relationship? (Identify your values)
- What role do your spiritual beliefs play in your marriage?
- What are your unique strengths both individually and together as a couple? (Answer this question separately, and then share your answers together.) There are 3 parts of this question: What are 1) your strengths, 2) your spouse’s strengths, and 3) your strengths as a couple?
- What goals do you want to accomplish in life together? (Identify your goals)
(From the Smzbt.org article, “Developing a Marriage Mission Statement”)
Here’s an Additional Challenge:
• “What guiding principles shape your relationship? One key element that you may want to include in your mission is the things that matter the most, to the two of you. The more specific the better. Think of areas like communication, money, trust, parenting —life. For example: “We will honor Christ in how we speak to each other, even and especially in times of conflict. … We will seek to build each other up and not use words to tear each other down. … We will listen to learn of each other’s feelings, not listen to win an argument.”
And then Prayerfully Consider:
• “What marriage legacy do you want to leave? A marriage mission statement should include where you want to end up. At some point God is going to call one of you home and what will remain will be the blessed memories and the love that your marriage has sown into the lives of others. So an example may be, ‘It is the mission of this marriage to be an example of love to our children, those that enter our house and those that we call our friends and family’.” (Edward C. Lee, from the Blackandmarriedwithkids.com article, 5 Key Questions to Ask for Your 2018 Marriage Mission Statement)
And then Lastly, here are a few more suggestions:
When you have completed your marriage/vision statement:
“Hang it in a prominent place in your home.” So many people write out their mission statement and then tuck it in a drawer and forget about it. Put yours in a place in your home where you will see it often.
“Your marriage mission/vision statement should impact your actions on a daily basis. These aren’t just good ideas to hang on the wall. These are core values and principles that you want to guide your life. Use it!!
“Rewrite when necessary. Life circumstances change. You get older and wiser. You learn from your mistakes and boil out the fluff to what matters most. It’s okay for your marriage mission statement to change if necessary.” (Dr Kim Blackham, from her web site article, “Writing Your Marriage Mission Statement”)
A Personal Note:
We spent quite a while praying about and composing our marriage mission statement several years back. As a matter of fact, we need to update it a bit. We’ve learned a lot more about how to compose one, since we put this one together. Even so, by viewing ours you can gain some ideas about writing your own. You will find our Marriage/Vision Statement at:
Keep in mind that your Marriage Mission/Vision Statement can be as brief or as elaborate as you want to make it. We’ve seen it 3 or 4 lines long. Others think it should be 5-10 lines long, while others decide to make it quite a bit longer. The length and content is up to both of you. This is your statement of your core values and vision for your marriage—where it is and where you believe it should go.
We hope you will take this marriage journey together to compose your own Marriage Mission Statement. We believe you will be all the richer for doing so. Plus, you will gain clarity and focus for your future together. May God bless you in this endeavor.
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
We talk about this issue and so much more in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. Just click on the linked title or the “Now Available” picture below to do so:
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