I debated on what to title this article. No matter what it is named, the wording doesn’t seem strong enough for this message. This article is intended to put out an “all-points bulletin.” I want to warn those who are dating, NOT to continue on in a relationship with someone who is abusive. Escape abuse before you marry, if you haven’t already married.
This to be a warning for women as well as men because BOTH can find themselves in abusive relationships. Unfortunately, most of the linked articles we provide for you to read address women. But that doesn’t mean that men can’t be abused as well. It happens —whether there are many articles written on this subject or not. (We apologize that we haven’t been able to find many.) Whether it is a man or a woman that is being verbally, emotionally, and/or physically abused, it is devastating to be victimized in this manner.
We receive so many emails here at Marriage Missions from those who wish, with everything in them, that they had NOT gotten involved in an abusive relationship. Many of them have married their victimizer.
So, to help those of you who haven’t dated an abusive person yet, let this be your “red flag” warning of what to look out for, so you don’t end up the victim.
“The following red flags are characteristics of an abuser. This does not mean that everyone who demonstrates one or two of these qualities will end up abusing or battering their partners. However, these red flags should be taken seriously. If someone you know demonstrates one or two of these patterns on a consistent basis, he has the potential to become a batterer” (Brenda Branson).
To read, these important warning signs, please click onto the Focusministries1.org web site link:
Perhaps you’re already dating a person who has some of these traits. It could be that you’re still questioning whether the relationship you are in is abusive. You might wonder what an abusive relationship looks like. NOW is the time to search your soul for the answer God wants to reveal to you.
Perhaps you need further clarity. Brenda Branson wrote two additional articles that would be good for you to read. It’s important to recognize those that fool you into thinking they have good intentions. But in reality, their behavior shows evidence otherwise. Please click onto the following Focusministries1.org articles to read:
If there are control issues going on, where the person you are dating is excessively trying to control your actions, and your relationship with family and friends, you are very likely in an abusive relationship. Please know that if thinking that he or she is just being protective and will eventually change their behavior towards you sometime in the future, you’re being naive. Most likely, things will progressively get worse as you continue on in the relationship —especially after the wedding.
“After marriage these behaviors typically escalate, therefore it’s crucial to recognize the warning signs now. Tell someone you can trust, and get help. And don’t believe the lie that it’s not abuse until he/she hits you” (Laura Petherbridge, from the article, “12 Traits of an Abusive Relationship”).
To learn more on how to recognize abusive behavior, please click onto the Crosswalk.com web site link below to read:
It could be that your abuser claims he or she will change. IF you believe you should stick around to see if that comes about, Brenda Branson (from Focusministries1.org) writes the following to help you:
If he or she hasn’t changed, you will live (or die) to regret it. If you don’t believe this to be true, just read about those who ignored the inner stirring that was going on inside of them. They ignored the feeling that they should NOT to continue on in their relationship, and especially, not to marry this person.
Below is a testimony written by Shana Schulte. In it, she tells what she learned during and after she found herself faced with a boyfriend who held a shark-like attitude towards her:
Also, I encourage you to read the testimony of Gweneth Nelson. She did marry her abusive “Christian” boyfriend. I’m hoping that by reading and prayerfully considering what she lived through, you will see what could be your future if this relationship continues.
Please read this Todayschristianwoman.com article:
And abused men speak out (as formerly posted on the Heart-2-heart.ca web site). Again, hopefully, you will make decisions that will help you never to be in this place:
I pray for you what is written in Psalm 20:1,
“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
And may he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.”
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.