What Is Not Okay In Bed?

Not Okay in Bed - AdobeStock_145226415“If both marriage partners agree, is anything taboo?” “What about the use of vibrators?” “Is oral sex okay?” [These are a few questions that Christian women asked about the sexual relationship in marriage from a survey that the authors conducted.] But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife? And concerning the marital bed, what does God permit? In other words, what is not okay in bed?

We read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and compiled a list of every scriptural reference to sex. As we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets forth some prohibitions that we must honor.

Concerning What’s NOT Okay in Bed

These are the ten things God forbids in and out of bed:

1. Fornication:

Fornication is immoral sex. It comes from the Greek word porneia which means “unclean.” This broad term includes sexual intercourse outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:3), sleeping with your stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1), sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Corinthians 6:15-16), and adultery (Matthew 5:32).

2. Adultery:

Adultery, or sex with someone who is not your spouse, is a sin and was punishable in the Old Testament by death. (See: Leviticus 21:10.) In the New Testament, Jesus expanded adultery to mean not just physical acts, but emotional acts in the mind and heart (Matthew 5:28).

3. Homosexuality:

The Bible is very clear that for a man to have sex with a man or woman to have sex with a woman is detestable to God. (See: Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9.)

4. Impurity:

These are several Greek words which are translated as “impurity.” To become “impure” (in Greek, molvno) can mean to lose one’s virginity (Revelation 14:4). It can also mean to become defiled, due to living out a secular and essentially pagan lifestyle 1 Corinthians 6:9; 2 Corinthians 7:1). The Greek word rupos often refers to moral uncleanness in general (Revelation 22:11).

5. Orgies:

For a married couple to become involved in sex orgies with different couples is an obvious violation of (1), (2), and (4) and needs no discussion.

6. Prostitution:

Prostitution, which is paying for sex, is morally wrong and condemned throughout Scripture. (See: Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17; Proverbs 7:4-27.)

7. Lustful passions:

First, let us tell you what this does not mean. Lustful passion does not refer to the powerful, God-given sexual desire a husband and wife have for one another. Instead, it refers to an unrestrained, indiscriminate sexual desire for men or women other than the person’s marriage partner. (See: Mark 7:21-22; Ephesians 4:19.)

8. Sodomy:

In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means “Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.” Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals or temple prostitutes (both male and female). In contemporary usage, the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and woman. This is not the meaning of the biblical word.

9. Obscenity and coarse jokes:

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” The Greek word for unwholesome is very descriptive and literally mans “rotten” or “decaying.” In Ephesians 5:4, the Bible warns us to avoid “silly talk” or, as it is called in some versions, “coarse jesting.” We have all been around people who can see a sexual connotation in some innocent phrase and then begin to snicker or laugh. This is wrong. However, this does not rule out appropriate sexual humor in the privacy of marriage, but rather inappropriate sexual comments in a public setting.

10. Incest:

Incest, or sex with family members or relatives, is specifically forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:7-18; Leviticus 20:11-21).

God leaves much in our sexual relationship with our husbands up to our discretion. In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind were not even touched upon. When she read this list, Shelby commented: “It’s helpful to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes—does God approve?”

To help you and all the Shelby’s, we will get more specific and address the questions we are constantly asked.


Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their excellent book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman many pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife.

What does Scripture say about this sexual activity? Most theologians say the Scriptures are silent about oral-genital sex. Some believe two verses in the Song of Solomon may contain veiled references to oral sex.

The first is Song of Solomon 2:3:

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Throughout the Song of Solomon, the word fruit refers to the male genitals. In biblical literature, fruit is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen; so it is possible that we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress.

The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16 (KJV):

Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the culmination of a very sensuous love scene. Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”

Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of oral sex. “This does not make it right or wrong,” he says. A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul’s statement about nothing being unclean.

He writes:

Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented “moral” taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example, if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom of Christ.

YOUR MARITAL BED: For the Husband and Wife Only

In Intended for Pleasure, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat writes that oral sex is a matter for only the husband and wife involved. If both find it enjoyable and pleasant, then it may properly fit into the couple’s lovemaking practices. One goal of lovemaking is to fill a treasure trove of memories with delightful love experiences that will quicken your responses during your future times together.

One minister’s wife blushes happily as she recalls a memo her husband sent requesting her presence for an urgent “appointment.”

RUN DON’T WALK! YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS EXCITING, DYNAMIC, RIPPING, SLEEP-DEFYING MEETING. Details follow: Would you like to have a meeting in the bathtub? (Loving massage and oral sex are included.) I love you, Your husband

Women Respond Differently in Bed Sexually

One woman might feel horrified by the above playful interchange between a husband and wife. To her, oral sex is repulsive. Another may think the minister and his wife have a gloriously free, creative, and fun sexual relationship. She sees that oral sex adds a beautiful dimension to this couple’s lovemaking.

Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent. Are we suggesting you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God’s wisdom concerning His personal recommendations for your marriage.

Each couple is different.

Each husband and wife is unique. Because Scripture is either silent —or veiled —concerning this practice, the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask Him. If you’ve never talked to God about your sexual relationship, now is a good time to start. You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).

As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering.

Three Questions Concerning What is Allowed in the Marital Bed:

Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

Let’s see how these questions can help when it comes to making decisions about sexual practices that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture.


Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. To find out if the use of vibrator is right or wrong, let’s apply the three questions. Is the use of a vibrator prohibited by Scripture? Is a vibrator beneficial in lovemaking? Does the use of a vibrator involve anyone else?

As we look at the list of ten prohibitions, we see that there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of a vibrator. So if a vibrator enhances a couple’s lovemaking and is used exclusively for the couple’s private enjoyment, then it is permitted. Does this mean we are suggesting you run out and buy a vibrator? No. Again, we are not recommending any sexual practice. We are only trying to help you discern what is best in your marriage as you seek the wisdom of God.


Obviously videos did not exist during biblical times, so we will not find “Thou shalt not watch X-rated videos” in Scriptures. (The same is true for vibrators.) But as we read through the list of the ten prohibitions, a red flag is raised. In number two on the list, adultery is defined as “looking on a woman to lust” whether the woman (or man) is on a video, in a picture, or in the living flesh. Secondly, number four on the list describes impurity as “moral uncleanness.” X-rated would qualify as “morally unclean,” thereby making them something God would disdain.

As far as what’s NOT okay in bed, let’s apply the questions:

• Are X-rated videos prohibited by Scripture? Yes, based on (2) and (4).

• Are X-rated videos beneficial? Anything that promotes “moral uncleanness” is not beneficial.

• Do X-rated videos involve someone else? Yes. You bring the man or woman on the video into your lovemaking.

Based on these answers, we could conclude that God wants us to stay away from X-rated videos. PLEASE NOTE: The following are a few linked articles that explain more about watching X-rated videos:

READER QUESTION: Is Watching Porn Together Okay if We Both Agree?


We have considered three “gray areas,” oral sex, vibrators, and X-rated videos. There are many others. We encourage you and your husband to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom, study the list of ten prohibitions, and use the three questions to help you discern what to do in your specific situation.

Seek the Best

As Christians we are simultaneously free and responsible. We are responsible to seek the best of the one we love, to think more highly of him and his desires than our own (Philippians 2:3-4). But we are also free to explore new territories of sexual delight.

According to Dr. Lewis Smedes, “The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other; you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.'”

God has given you great freedom in your sexual relationship with your husband. Remember His words to Solomon and Shulamith: “Eat, friends, drink and be drunk with love!” (Song of Solomon 5:1)

This article comes from the book, Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, published by WaterBrook Press. This is powerful —one of the best “no-holds-barred books on intimate issues that’s available for Christian women (if not THE best)! It addresses 21 questions that Christian women ask about sex and contains so much practicality, healing sensitivity and spiritual wisdom on each subject.

— ALSO, As far as What’s Okay in Bed —

Below you will find several linked articles we encourage you to read. In reading them we believe you will know better what God does and doesn’t allow us to do sexually in bed and out of the bedroom:



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217 responses to “What Is Not Okay In Bed?

  1. I really enjoyed this article and found it helpful. I agree with most listed here. I agree porn is not great and pornea in greek is in fact in the Bible. I agree oral sex is a choice between the couple. However, anal sex defiles a body whether male or female because it puts bacteria in the colon wall, not meant to be there, that can cause disease. Oral sex doesn’t. Also the sphincter muscle is not like the vaginal muscle and can more easily lead to incontinence.

    1. Oral sex is Sodomy and the worship of BAAL Peor. It’s the ingesting of body waste. Humiliation.

  2. Here is what God wants every Christian (couple) to know:..
    1. Oral sex is sin. – God says He didn’t make your tongue for that purpose.
    2. Using vibrators is sin. All these objects are Satan’s products. Anyone who uses Satan’s products belong to him. This also includes condoms. They are all his products…
    3. Fingering your partner is sin – He didn’t make your fingers for that purpose.
    4. God wants couples to meet ONLY in the missionary position. There are women in Hell for being on top of their husbands. And not to mention the doggy style which makes human beings look like animals. Only animals have sex in the doggy position and that doesn’t glorify God.
    5. Using condoms or any other birth control method is sin. Again, it’s satan’s product.
    6. Giving your husband a handjob is sin
    7. Watching pornography is sin. Watching anything that doesn’t glorify God is idolatry. That’s how He sees anyone watching pornography. Not to mention, masturbation, lust, etc.
    8. Masturbating is sin. Masturbating your husband or wife is sin.
    9. Dirty talking is sin…

    Note: Every Christian should read “Heaven and Hell Testimonies” online. There are so many things Christians are ignorantly doing and wearing that will lead them to Hell. (Hosea 4:6) Like earrings, lipstick, make-up, jeans, women wearing pants/trousers, high-heel shoes, artificial hair, artificial nails, nail polish, artificial eyelashes, golden watches, silver watches (wear ONLY leather bands), bangles, wedding (or finger) rings (God hates ALL rings on your body!), bleaching creams, in short, anything you change from natural to unnatural on your body is sin. Many souls end up in Hell due to outward holiness. They were never told that God looks at what we put on our bodies. Sadly, they are burning in Hell presently. (See Romans 12:1)

    Before you say you don’t believe in Heaven and Hell testimonies because they’re not of God, or you don’t need them, know that there is a section in Hell for those who do not believe in Heaven and Hell Testimonies.

    1. Well, looks like I’m going to hell then, along with some preachers and deacons I know (and their wives).

      Seriously, where do you GET this stuff? You cited TWO scriptures that have a tangential relationship to the topic AT BEST.

      You are not only misinformed, but your misinformation is confusing and misleading a lot of readers who come here looking for advice.

      1. This is ridiculous. You are stuck in legalism brother. God is a God of freedom who came to “free us from the law of sin and death”. This kind of preaching does not edify, but condemn. Have you not read Song of Solomon? If so, you’ve probably put a very narrow minded and legalistic spin on it. And NO, I am not leading people astray by my words, as you might think. Our God is a God Who created sexual pleasure in the first place, and you want to jump all over married couples with these rules that appear nowhere in the Bible that I can tell? You’d better check the Word brother. And you’d better check the interpretation over and over again. Legalism may make you feel holy, but remember the Pharisees. They practiced (or claimed they did) a lot of religious rituals. Do you mean to tell me you’re monitoring a husband and wife’s sexual behaviors behind closed doors to such lengths that you would argue that they are forbidden to live their lives.

    2. G.A. (I can’t bring myself to say you are an ambassador for Christ): I seriously doubt you can provide chapter and verse from the Bible that backs up your stands on what you say, “God is against and will condemn people to hell if they participate in them.” Where does it state in the Bible that vibrators are a “sin?” Where does it say to only have sex in the “missionary position?” … I can’t find those things in the Bible, or the thing that tells us about the fingers and our tongue not being made by God for purposes of a husband and wife enjoying each other sexually. Please quote the chapter and verses. We posted your comments because we try to allow everyone the ability to post their beliefs (even if we disagree) so long as they are civil and don’t promote divorce. Our readers are smart enough to discern God’s truth (based on the entirety of scripture and not just some random reference taken out of context) from man’s opinion.

      Certainly, we believe that if you feel convicted that any…or all of the things you cite…are sin, then YOU should not participate in them. To you, “that is sin” as it’s stated in Romans 14 and other parts of the Bible. But at the same time just because you believe them to be sinful for you to practice you cannot pre-suppose that God condemns all Christians who may participate in the acts you stated UNLESS it is specifically stated so in the Bible. I would concur that #7 – watching pornography is sin because the Bible is very clear that looking at another person with lust in your heart is equivalent to adultery (Matthew 5:28).

      When you state (after talking about jewelry, creams, artificial hair and such), “in short, anything you change from natural to unnatural on your body is sin. Many souls end up in Hell due to outward holiness. They were never told that God looks at what we put on our bodies. Sadly, they are burning in Hell presently. (See Romans 12:1)” So let me ask you… do you used deodorant, or toothpaste, mouthwash, or soap… so you smell or look differently afterward? (Even washing your body after you work in the dirt will change the “natural to unnatural” and alter your smell and appearance.) Do you comb or cut your hair or your fingernails and toenails so that they deviate from being in their “natural” outward appearance state? What about what you wear? Do you only wear flesh colored clothes (instead of a color that might look nicer)? And do you change your clothes after they naturally start to stink, wrinkle, or look inappropriate to wear to church or a wedding, or even go to bed in at night? If you have a headache, do you take an aspirin (surely, you won’t die from most headaches), or do you let it continue in its “natural” state so you don’t alter what you put into your body, as well as what you put onto your body?

      GA, let me be clear – we are not going to debate you on this issue. We gave you the opportunity to post your opinion and we posted ours, so balance is given. We encourage people to pray and decide what God is telling them about these things. Unless it is stated clearly in the Bible, then we need to pray, and ask God to show us what is sin, concerning these and other types of matters between husbands and wives.

    3. I thank you all brethren, I have learned a lot on your posts. God’s Ambassador from Europe you said everything we change from natural to unnatural is a sin; then why do you use phones? board a car? sleep on beds? watch TV? Wear clothes? In short not to mention the rest. We are told in the Bible that “naked we came in this world, and naked we shall go back.” God didn’t create man with any of these mentioned above; we are passerby on earth and all that is found in belong to Satan, even the money we use is still impure. Only God sanctifies them so that his children will use it “Where the soul of our feet is we possess it.” Many things God’s child touches in this world he/she possesses it because we have been given the power to do so. To conclude, whatever you see in this world has been the result of man’s creativity given to him by God. You have the spirit of God which guides you on what to do, if you find them wrong stop doing them not imposing unto others. Thank you and stay blessed.

      1. I agree with you my beloved. Sins are not enumerated; no book on earth will be able to do that, We walk by the Spirit not just by the written code… What is not permissible (beneficial) to one could be perfect for my brother. Only be guided by God’s Spirit.

    4. I dont agree with all your points and your biggest mistake is you made bald statements with no supporting argument.
      I agree Oral sex is sin. Penis’s and Vaginas clearly were not designed to come into contact with the mouth. They are sewage outlets for the body. Would God really approve a person putting their mouth to a sewage outlet for pleasure? Can you honestly say that if Jesus had been married he would have licked his wifes vagina or allowed her to kiss his penis? The argument that fruit in the song of solomon may refer to a mans genitals or semen is really scraping the barrel for arguments. Lets allow the argument and see where it goes.

      Allowing fruit to be a euphemism for semen in this example means that you must allow the woman to be saying her lovers semen tastes sweet to her which would logically mean the man has ejaculated into her mouth. How anyone could believe that God would approve of that is beyond me. Remember for God to approve it means Jesus would have been willing to practise it if he had been in that situation. Would Jesus if he had been a married man ejaculated into his wife’s mouth. I am frightened to even write the idea. God have mercy on those who agree with the idea. When it comes to actions where there is doubt and uncertainty as to whether something is sinful or not, we should always err on the side of caution.

      Oral sex has become a proud statement of the sexual revolution. In Australia oral sex is now being touted to school children as better than PIV (Penis in Vagina) sex along with transgenderism. Both are clearly rebellions against Gods design. Teenage girls are reporting oral sex is now expected of them whether they want to or not. The acceptance of oral sex in heterosexual relationships has removed one of the natural arguments against homosexual relationships – that men are not designed to have sex with other men. In these corrupt and hedonistic times the church is not doing anyone any favors by tacitly saying oral sex is ok if both parties consent.

      1. I Agree with you Bob. All this is lust and deception from the devil. Do not be decieved. Cling on what you know. Everyone will try to make the bible say what he wants to hear but that doesn’t mean that it will always be right.

    5. Wow! I can agree to certain aspect but I do not believe for one minute God intended Sex/Love making to be so restrictive. It’s a gift, Yes, a gift that is explicitly consensual between husband and wife, to enjoy a journey of exploration, excitement, unifying two souls creating a bond that is private, binding, and belongs solely to the husband and wife. It builds trust and teaches us to respect. It is meant to be fun and meaningful. It’s special to me and I take great pride in thanking God this wonderful gift.

    6. I must assume you are a works based believer. You must think we get into Heaven based on our own good works and lack of sin. In fact, Christians are elected (predestined) only by God before the beginning of time having nothing to do with how good or bad we are. Salvation is not by our doing (works). If that were the case nobody would get into Heaven.

    7. This is ridiculous. You are stuck in legalism brother. God is a God of freedom who came to “free us from the law of sin and death”. This kind of preaching does not edify, but condemn. Have you not read Song of Solomon? If so, you’ve probably put a very narrow minded and legalistic spin on it. And NO, I am not leading people astray by my words, as you might think. Our God is a God Who created sexual pleasure in the first place, and you want to jump all over married couples with these rules that appear nowhere in the Bible that I can tell? You’d better check the Word brother. And you’d better check the interpretation over and over again. Legalism may make you feel holy, but remember the Pharisees. They practiced (or claimed they did) a lot of religious rituals. Do you mean to tell me you’re monitoring a husband and wife’s sexual behaviors behind closed doors to such lengths that you would argue that they are forbidden to live their lives.

    8. Oral sex is sin. the Holy Spirit told me that He belongs on our tongue or the tongue is for Him. In another words, no going to the penis or vagina with our mouth.

      1. Be careful thinking the Holy Spirit ‘told you something.’ Make sure you can find it in the Bible. Matthew 15:11 says, “Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.” In other words, only what comes out of your mouth (tongue) defiles you.

        So what you say; eating, drinking, coffee, meds, dentist, anything touching your tongue, is bad. That does not line up with the Bible according to Matt 15:11.

    9. Thank you so much for speaking truth, when we engaged in these activities in ignorance we open doors to demons and perversion, God deliver us and may we walk by your spirit of truth.

    10. Exactly I try to correct people but they tell me I’m crazy except that what I say is in the Bible. Except you forgot somethings that are considered good or right according to the world’s standards are not sin according to God like self defense. So here are examples of what the world says is good but God says it’s wrong.

      First: The world says sodomy (anal and oral sex) are right and good, God says they are sin Romans 1:26-27, Leviticus 15:16.

      Second: Sex toys the world says they are good and even encourages us to use them God says they aren’t to be used Genesis 2:24

      Third: Any other sexual “fun” the world encourages us to do is wrong. God makes clear that the marriage bed is to be undefiled. Hebrews 13:4 undefiled means pure anything but sexual intercourse is sin the Bible makes that quite clear. I hope people open their eyes.

    11. I take it you don’t wear clothes, drive a car, use electricity, phones, computers… This is ridiculous, your comment would lead people to reject God cause there is no way that is attainable by anyone living in this world. How did you even type this comment? Aren’t you sinning by using a phone yourself?

      I’ve read those revelations websites and they have not been helpful.

  3. I agree and can relate to all the Scriptural references made regarding our sexual experience within marriage and find the other overboard stuff quite out of place… I have 2 questions: 1. is it OK to swallow sperm? I find this unatural but it is an obsession with some men? … Q2. A friend of mine and her husband have been seperated as many couples are for work purposes which at this stage in their lives cannot be avoided for long periods of time, what can they do to keep their sex life intact and stay connected, what is your take on cyber sex between the couple and how can they learn about it?

    1. Hi Just Me, Regarding your questions: 1. As far as swallowing sperm, from what I’ve read, it isn’t a health hazard to swallow it. I can’t imagine doing it. I’d be throwing up and I’m not sure my husband would find that sexy… but for other spouses, I don’t see anywhere that it isn’t allowed scripturally. I’m sure you can find someone who can find a way to find a legalistic reason why it shouldn’t be done, but I don’t see it. If both spouses consent to it, then why not?

      2. Cybersex between a husband and wife (with no one else involved in any form) would be permissible. It’s a husband and wife, and it’s consensual between them, so again, why not? The only hold back would be if there was masturbation involved. It’s not the masturbation that would be as much of a problem (because it’s a consensual decision between a husband and wife), but it CAN change their ability to satisfy each other through intercourse, when they are able to be together physically. But with time this can be changed back eventually (if they want to) when they have the time together to make it happen. It’s not a simple process, but it can happen. …I hope this helps :)

  4. If the two are in preparation to get married and have had sex, is it good? The family knows that they are about to get married.

  5. I can tell some people didn’t read correctly. Song of Solomon ch 5:2) I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is full with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night. 3) I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet how shall I defile them? 4) MY BELOVED PUT IN HIS HAND BY THE HOLE OF MY DOOR, AND MY BOWELS WERE MOVED FOR HIM. 5) I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the locks. 6) I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer

    1. If it is between a husband and wife, it is allowable as long as you both consent. But just know that they have done research and many health officials say that it can cause some medical issues. But if it is occasional and you have plenty of lubrication (because the anus lacks the natural lubrication the vagina has) you may do okay having anal sex. But just so you know, here are a few things that were posted on a Webmd.com web site concerning this question of whether or not it is safe:

      “Anal sex has a number of health risks. Anal intercourse is the riskiest form of sexual activity for several reasons, including the following: – The anus lacks the natural lubrication the vagina has. Penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream. This can result in the spread of sexually transmitted infections including HIV. Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure. Exposure to the human papillomavirus (HPV) may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer. Using lubricants can help some, but doesn’t completely prevent tearing.

      “- The tissue inside the anus is not as well protected as the skin outside the anus. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus does not have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection. – The anus was designed to hold in feces. The anus is surrounded with a ring-like muscle, called the anal sphincter, which tightens after we defecate. When the muscle is tight, anal penetration can be painful and difficult. Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet. However, Kegel exercises to strengthen the sphincter may help prevent this problem or correct it.

      “- The anus is full of bacteria. Even if both partners do not have a sexually-transmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Practicing vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.”

      Given this information (that you and your husband should look at together)… it is then something that you decide together, whether or not you want to go there in your love making with each other.

  6. Is it okay for a husband to finger his wife? Or for a wife to give her husband a hand job?

    1. I think it is fine as long as both Husband and Wife are both consenting, just be careful though.

    2. Again, as long as the husband and wife both consent, that is fine. Enjoy your love life with your spouse :)

  7. I’ve got a question and I haven’t been able to find a direct answer from the readings. My husband very recently passed away. We were together for 40 years. I am a very “physical” person and would like to know if using a vibrator is a sin according to the scripture. Thank you.

    1. First off, let me tell you how sad I am for your loss. 40 years is a lifetime… I am so sorry for your loss. I pray the Lord continually comforts and helps you in the ways you most need it. May He bring people into your life that will help to fill some of the more difficult times.

      In answer to your question, I see no reason why you couldn’t use a vibrator. You aren’t doing it to have a fantasy life with a man that you shouldn’t… you’re doing it for physical release. It’s also pleasurable; God wired us that way. It would be wrong if your husband was alive and you were denying him yourself. But in this case, you are pleasuring yourself in a way where there are no victims and no sexual perversions on your part, and no intent to do so. Just be sure you don’t add a fantasy life–attaching faces onto that private time. That would be wrong. But otherwise, I can see no sexual sin involved.

      Now, if you ever get to the place where you are eventually considering remarriage, it could be problematic because it could rewire your ability to be sexually satisfied by the person who would be your husband. But it is my understanding that you can rewire your body back. So in this case you are good.

  8. Maybe you can help me, my husband wants only oral sex, but never touches me or my body or my vagina. I just satisfy him, but he never does the same or normal sex with me. He tells that he loves me but I am afraid to have children; but he never tries a condom or something to satisfy me. I am extremely frustrated. I have desires for him but he won’t touch me and he don’t want to talk about it. That’s terrible for me, I just do that because it’s the only way to be intimate with him.

    1. Hi Cecilia, I need to keep a G rating here, but, you need to play him a little (or a lot). 1. You need some form or birth control. Pill, place under the skin type, IUD, something where that getting pregnant will no longer be an issue. 2. Time to do some nude wrestling; no talk, just action.

    2. Cecilia, I am sorry you are going through this. The way your husband is treating you is not Biblical, and it is abusive. He is only taking and not giving, as opposed to the mutually giving relationship that is described in 1 Corinthians 7:1-7.

      I am sorry to bring you more bad news, but a man who denies his wife sex or insists on sex in a certain, unnatural way, usually has a problem with porn. (I am not saying that all oral sex is unnatural, but certainly a one-sided sex life is.)

      You also said that he doesn’t want to talk about it. This is also a problem. Couples should pursue emotional intimacy. Sex without emotional intimacy is not part of God’s design.

      You can ask him if he is using porn, but if he is, he will probably lie. You could look at the internet history on his computer, but he will have probably deleted it. Porn use, left undiscovered, often escalates into sexting, online affairs, and real-life encounters with those met online.

      You cannot just continue with the status quo. You have a responsibility to uphold a Godly standard for your marriage. You will need to find people and resources who can help you through this. It is going to be a long journey. Leslie Vernick has a lot of resources that I think would be helpful to you. Books, facebook group, videos, etc. Her book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage may be a good place to start.

      Definitely get some counseling – both individual counseling for yourself and marriage counseling. You may have to try more than one counselor to find a good fit, but it will be worth it. I know it can be expensive, but your marriage is worth it. You are worth it. Sending love and prayers to you.

  9. I know that when I married my wife I made a commitment to God as well as to my wife. What can you do if she shows no interest in a sexual relationship with you for years? Before giving my life to the Lord in 1997 I had a very sexual life with many women, but even in I have not cheated. My question is what am I to do? There’s no sex and she doesn’t want to even have a conversation with me on the subject.

  10. Can licking of the Vagina be healthy thing? Is it godly? I have seen only one scripture speak on that all through the Bible. What might be the problem when your wife does not feel for sex?

  11. Oh yes, I’ve been meaning to ask this question. I am separated with my wife because of a job to another country. I use her video in masturbation because I vowed not to touch another woman and I do not want to commit adultery. Is this okay?