After 27 years of marriage, I’m just beginning to understand my husband’s sexual needs.
I DO know that his need for sexual contact is much stronger than mine. While I would be thrilled, with a romantic rendezvous about twice a month, my husband’s sexual needs are more intense.
I noticed a pattern: the longer he went without sexual intimacy, the more irritable he became. On the days when we made love, Ron was mellow and easygoing about things that might normally have bothered him. During the day after, he was still patient, kind, and cuddly as a six-foot teddy bear. On the third day after our “session”, he would start to get restless and make sarcastic comments like, ”Don’t worry about me. You just live your life and I’ll wait here.”
Then, if we hadn’t “played doctor” in four days, the veins in his eyes would get red and bulgy and his upper lip would start to twitch. If we went into the fifth day, he’d start to gnaw on the sofa.
The longer he went without release, the more pressurized —that is, grumpy —he became. If we ever went a whole week without sex, it’s as if his skin would turn green, black bolts would pop out of his neck, and he would morph into Franken-Husband.
Ladies, if you aren’t “taking care of business” a couple times a week, you may be creating your own monster.
Ron and I talked about my theory, and he agreed with it. He said, “After several days without sex, I start to feel like you don’t care about me. It isn’t a conscious decision, but my resentment just starts to build and keeps getting worse each day that you ignore or reject me.”
Husband’s Sexual Needs for Release
Then, I did some research and it confirmed our experience. Men’s need for sexual release is based on actual physical, hormonal needs. Many studies agree that because of sperm production, natural testosterone, and other factors, men naturally want sexual release about every seventy-two hours, or three days.
Men need sexual contact. God designed them that way. It’s not bad or dirty or perverted, it just is. If a wife makes an effort to meet her husband’s sexual needs, he’ll be more willing to meet hers. Sex is number one on Ron’s priority list and approximately number forty-seven on mine, but I have learned to honor its importance to him.
You are Sex-Driving Me Crazy!
I don’t fully understand the hormonal, physical male sex drive, but I do know a thing or two about the female hormone cycles. Ladies, have you ever gone on a PMS-driven mission called “Gotta have chocolate, or someone’s gonna die?” I have. I once ransacked every drawer in my son’s room looking for last year’s semi-sweet Easter Bunny’s ear.
I’ve clawed through the kitchen cupboards like [the movie character] Indiana Jones on a quest, looking for a little golden bag containing stale chocolate chips. As I ripped it open and blissfully inhaled the aroma, my pulse reacted as if I’d just found the necklace that the old lady threw off the Titanic.
Now imagine that you’re on a take-no-prisoners chocolate chase and your husband has a Snickers bar in his locked briefcase —but he won’t give you the key. He has the capability to relieve your hormonal obsession, but he refuses. How would you feel about him? Would you think that he was selfish? Mean? Cruel?
Ron says that’s how a man feels when his wife rejects his sexual needs.
Ouch.
Would You Like a Me-Burger?
If you think of your husband’s sexual needs as a hunger, his desire can be satisfied in many different ways. Each “feeding” does not have to be a banquet. His wife could “feed the need” with a snack, a meal, or a feast.
Often, a quick snack will satisfy his appetite. (Use your imagination here.) Other times, he’ll be thrilled to sit down (lie down) for a simple meal. On special occasions, however, get out the good china (satin sheets), send the children to Grandma’s house, and flambé a fabulous feast.
Ladies, next time your husband gets hungry for you and you’re too tired to prepare a banquet, ask him, “How about a quick snack?” He’ll probably be thrilled that you’re not rejecting him, and you’ll be able to meet his need without resenting it.
Don’t Make Him Beg
Bambi had four children in five years. She went from being a sex kitten to a fat cat who craved catnaps. She lost all interest in sex and was so tired that she had a “headache” for most of the next decade. When her husband tried to get frisky, she’d often arch her back and hiss, “You must be kidding!” He wasn’t. She refused him so many times that he quit asking. Not surprisingly, they’re now divorced and in the middle of a bitter custody battle over the kittens.
Men have fragile egos in this area and, in order to avoid rejection, they may stop pursuing their wives. Ladies, if your husband isn’t asking anymore, immediately sprint into a lingerie shop. I mean now, this minute! March in there, and buy a little —and I mean little —something. Then call your hubby and say, “I’m cooking up something special for dinner —hurry home!”
Unless your husband is a eunuch, he has sexual needs. Do your best to satisfy them.
“But I’m Embarrassed”
I don’t know why, but men are stimulated by visual cues. That’s why they’re much more likely to look at pornography than women are.
That’s also why they like to make love with the lights on. I’d prefer the flattering glow of a single votive candle, but Ron wants to use the same wattage a dentist uses for a root canal. So we have a conflict.
We’ve been married for 27 years and my body is almost fifty years old, and it’s showing signs of wear. I think of it as a comfy sofa: lumpy, frayed, and a little saggy. I try to avoid full-length mirrors, but my hubby still wants to see me —and that’s a good thing.
Several years ago, we discovered a wonderful compromise: we use a red or pink light bulb in the lamp next to our bed. I know it sounds crazy, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. The rosy glow diminishes most flaws, wrinkles, and stretch marks. You can buy these magic bulbs at most larger grocery stores for less than five dollars.
Discussing Wife’s and Husband’s Sexual Needs Together
Ideally, you should be at a place in your marriage where you can ask each other, “Are you happy with our sex life?” If one of you is not, ask, “Why not?” As a married couple, it’s vital that you are able to discuss your needs openly and honestly. If it’s important to one of you, it needs to be important to both of you.
Metaphorically speaking, if the wife waters the husband and the husband waters the wife, they will both be satisfied. “Drink water from your own well —share your love only with your wife [husband]” (Proverbs 5:15 NLT).
This article is adapted from the book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, written by Nancy C Anderson, published by Kregel Publications. It was written by Nancy, who strayed to the other side of the marital fence —and returned to find forgiveness and restoration. Author Nancy C Anderson and her husband Ron, speak nationally to couples’ groups of all denominations. They share their message of hope and restoration with tenderness and humor. If you live in the United States and would like for them to speak with your group please contact them at Nancycanderson.com.
IF YOU ARE MARRIED and you have additional tips you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Sexual Issues
My husband and I have been together for 14 years. Our sex life has always been great for me, but it seems like he has never been satisfied. We have 5 children together. I gained 80 lbs by the end of it. My husband kept telling me it was affecting our sex life, so last year I decided to make a change and lost 66 llbs. I am now 20 lbs away from where he met me. I’m trying to take better care of myself all around, wearing make up and fixing my hair. He still is unhappy with my appearance. He just sent me the link to this.
This isn’t a situation where I’m denying my husband sex. If he EVER came onto me I would be thrilled. I’m so love deprived that I LONG for him to touch my hand or hug me, ANYTHING really. A smile, nice words. I’ve even tried the lingerie numerous times, but was turned away. He is no longer attracted to my body. I feel sad. I feel discouraged. He calls me names DAILY, and I really cannot take much more. I want to fulfill his needs, but I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like he doesn’t care about me. He has never in 14 years planned a nice date for me. He never holds my hand. He never hugs me, or kisses me. I feel alone. I feel sad. and now I’m here reading this, but I’ve already blamed myself. I’ve already tried, and I feel like he isn’t trying at all. He feels like me talking about my sexual needs as a woman is wrong. Didn’t God create us both to need to be touched and loved?
(The thoughts here are a result of years of marriage and life lived, not fancy degrees from afar or advice columns.) Most men do not like fat women. Sorry if this hurts some people’s feelings, but it’s true. Men would prefer that their woman, regardless of childbirth, retain some sort of semblance of their figure.
Many children require much attention and it doesn’t end in the teen years. I would suggest that teenagers actually require more attention. Pounds are not the only thing that collect over the years. Children often come first leaving the husband begging for scraps. Is it any wonder men divorce their wife right about the time the last little sweet pea graduates from high school? Many men are honorable creatures and will fulfill their “dad” duties until the last one is officially a young adult, although I do know men who have left their small children and remarried a new babe.
Men show affection through sex and often the wife has been so busy with the kids she totally neglects her husband. What this means is he has literally received no affection for years, maybe a decade. Men are tremendously pained by this and feel really unloved. Assuming the husband is not having an affair, men, after years of being deprived, almost come to view their wife as a roommate.
My husband is a great listener and men will often confide personal things to him. Here are a few comments he has been told: If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. These guys are having affairs even though most still love their wives. Another older man confessed that he has totally lost interest in sex after years of deprivation. Ladies, you’re starving your man by not having sex with him. Whether you understand why he needs it or not, is irrelevant. Please stop trying to dissect the male sex drive. They desire it, need it, want it, and require it. And in return, you will get the love you need.
If the bedroom has been a sexual desert for years, the only way you’re going to convince him is to have sex with him all the time and whenever he wants until he is convinced that you’re not messing with him; it’s not pity sex or duty sex. It took years to get where you are and it will take time to undo the damage if at all possible.
Many women who are in affairs, as well as many who sell themselves are not “tens”. Women, whose husbands have been cheating, are often surprised at how average the other woman’s looks are.
Women are always self-conscious about how they look especially as they get older. If you’re satisfying your man and really want and love him, many of your physical flaws will disappear. What he sees is a woman who loves and wants him which will make her the most beautiful creature in his eyes. Love changes the way we look at others. Men really enjoy knowing their wife is available to them. It boosts their self-confidence, happiness, and love for you.
I am on the opposite end of this stereotype. I am a high drive wife, and my husband is low drive. I get irritable by ‘day 3’ and by the usual day 5 or 7 am in tears. I have looked for articles on your website and so far haven’t found any. My husband & I have talked. He finds me attractive, physically I haven’t changed & he believes it is age (he’s 9 yrs older than me) & long work days. I would like to see an article on high drive wives.
Me too actually. I totally agree.
I have been married to my husband for 30 years. He beat on me for the first 15 years. We have 3 children. He felt bad everytime he hurt me and went to counseling and finally stopped. I hard a hard time forgiving him for this, and 2 years ago he had an affair with a woman he met on facebook. Now I just found out that he has been looking at porn on the internet since the internet was invented. Before that he looked at magazines.
He expects me to just get over this and keep having sex with him cause it’s my Godly duty to never deny sex to him. How in the world am I supposed to forget all that has been done? I can’t get it out of my head that he has abused me and cheated on me. And now, he is looking at other women and then blames me for this cause I’m not giving him sex. I’m not perfect at all, and never claimed to be. I just can’t handle him blaming me and then getting mad at me cause I don’t understand his needs. I’ve gone to counseling but he does not want to. Please, I need some advice.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, you do not deserve such treatment from your husband who is supposed to love you and care for you. It’s totally understandable that you feel that way about your husband after all these things horrible things he’s done and said to you.
I’m sorry I’m no good at giving advice, but maybe ask your counselor on what to do about this? See what s/he has to say about what to do about your husband not seeking a counselor?
I am so sorry you have dealt with this for so long.
I’m sorry, but I believe that both the wife and husband shouldn’t be responsible for satisfying each other’s sexual needs. They should be allowed to refuse it. They are the only one’s who own their bodies and they shouldn’t be pressured to be sexual when they don’t want to.
Sex is the glue that makes two people husband and wife, lovers, and differentiates that relationship from all others. Otherwise, you are just friends. We all have lots of friends.
Pressure and control lead to resentment as fear and closing down and emotional detachment that kind of betray majorly undermines the trust in the marriage. Some glue.
My wife, 50, feels she is physically less able to have sex with me: tired, headache, dryness, lack of desire. Unfortunately, my mind runs back to a time when she was with another man -26 years ago. I get angrier as the days go by and want revenge, again. When she was young and pretty I found out after we were married, all comers welcome. Now married to me for 26 years and the one and only is often quiet lonely. I know it’s “wrong” but a hooker (“escort”) seems like a good option to keep the peace. I don’t know if she’d care. Ladies, would she?
Many women would be angry. Sex as revenge probably is not a good idea. Most women really don’t understand how necessary sex is to a man. It’s psychological (it makes men feel like men). It’s emotional (men feel tremendous love and bonding to a woman they love and have regular sex with). It’s biological (men need to be relieved of fluids). Aside from all the various “studies”, I truly believe prostate cancer is the result of a stopped up and clogged “system” for years.
If a man has treated you well and loved, provided for, and raised your children with you why wouldn’t you want to love him in return? It costs women nothing and totally gives a man what he needs to feel loved and wanted. As stated earlier in the posts, menopause is not pleasant if that is the issue. Please read earlier posts. If a woman has been denying a man sex for years, that is another story. Many women have no idea how important they are to men. And young lovely women REALLY don’t get it.
I know men who have divorced their wives from a stale marriage (even I can see why they divorced her). And I know men who live in sexless marriages because divorce means giving up too many things: home, large family, status in community, children, etc… They actually like their wives even though nothing is going on in the sack. Women’s lib has really worked over women by teaching the ladies that men are pigs, selfish, ect.. I believe that most men love their wives, that why they married her. But, I don’t think women have been taught how to love a man. Girls, you don’t have to look perfect. Ladies, there is not greater joy than being loved and ravished by a man who wants you. I am sure that if you can just revive the thrill of being with your man again you will start to look forward to sex.
My wife and I have been married 12/16/2014 equals 42 years. We both have serious health issues. My wife has R.A. Really bad, affecting all her joints, and so closeness is very tricky. As for me. I have had two rotator cuff surgeries (which never returned to what they were). I also have two blown biceps, plus I have had two total knee replacements, making closeness that much more difficult. The problem, for me is the desire is greatly there; the spirit is very WILLING, but the flesh is weak. As hard as I try to be happy with what we have, my desires don’t change. Any suggestions? Steve
What about a woman’s need and the fact that needy, desperate traits are not attractive to a woman. Also, someone mentioned about not being thanked when doing the dishes. Where is our thanks for washing your clothes, raising our children, washing the dishes, and all the domestic work women do for their family? Sorry but my husband needs to treat me right if he wants sex, not act like a 15 yr old and act like he is going to die if he misses a day or two. This isn’t the stone age, and women have a right not to want sex every two or three days… there is masturbation, you know. It’s like the saying “A happy wife = A happy life”; that includes sex.
It sounds like your husband is an ogre! Sex is not a game. It’s about love and it costs a woman nothing to give. I know women who have lost their husband in their fifties and one in his forties. Their heart aches when they see couples. It’s a couple’s world and believe me, life without a husband and a partner is incredibly sad.
Why don’t you look at all the nice things he does for you and the children. We may not be in the stone age, but the biology is still the same. The “tank” fills up every 2 or 3 days and he needs to release it. When men marry, they envision a sea of endless sex. Probably not a reality, but pretending he doesn’t desire and need it is only hurting the marriage. A guy might as well be single if he is going to take care of his own business. Don’t ever assume a man will stay with a stingy wife. I know lots of men who are remarried because they were tired of living in a sexless marriage. After living together 10 years and then getting married,our neighbor left his wife with 2 young boys, remarried and started another family.
So I was reading this…and it’s a man’s job to love and respect his wife…however I don’t agree with this idea of waiting for the wife to decide. It’s unhealthy. If you are a man then be a man grab her by the waist lift her up and carry her to the doctors office. You feed each other but you need to get on the ball and decide how much your going to eat.
Haha, I loved all your hyperbolic metaphors. I can relate to this since my own husband turns into a man monster sometimes if he goes even a day without sex. It’s insane. What makes matters worse is that my husband isn’t particularly good with feelings or sensitivity so he tends to be abrasive with his speech, judging me and hurting my feelings and THEN he wants sex afterwards. I don’t intentionally want to hold back something as vital as love and affection but I can’t help it because I just feel so much resentment towards him.
If I could let it go, I would but it just keeps happening. Sometimes, he’ll even criticize my housekeeping skills while I’m actually doing the dishes or laundry. He tells me I don’t do it enough or that I don’t a very good job. I work 12 hours a day and I parent when I get home. I also spend 6-7 hours on my weekends doing nothing but cleaning and watching the baby while he’s doing his photography hobby but what I do isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough and he lets me know that every day. Should I just get over it and give him lots of sex? I’m not saying you’re not right but it can also be more complicated than that.
So I understand everything being said and agree. I am 36.5 weeks pregnant and knowing my husband still needs some and to feel a part of things and important I have not only reached out but asked for him to be with me. But he would rather satisfy himself while watching porn and waits for me to go to bed rather than joining me. He wants me to touch him and pleasure him but I don’t even get an “I love you, thank you or a hand rubbing my back.” He wants me to be like a whore and I will not be disrespected that way.
I love sex too but it needs to fulfill both parties. When we do have sex he jumps on does his thing and could care less if I’m there or not. He also has a large stash of porn (magazines, videos and now I find he wears woman’s underwear, stockings, shoes and has sex toys he inserts in himself). I didn’t know about this. He says he has no interest in men but that I should be responsible for bringing excitement into the bedroom and that I have to make him want me otherwise he doesn’t want me and doesn’t care. How do you pleasure someone who makes you feel worthless?
I don’t know if this can be fixed. I am so depressed by all of this. I haven’t changed since we started dating 4 years ago, he knew what he was getting in the bedroom when he married me; he knew things would slow down when we got pregnant. Now he just continues to tell me how great his ex was and how she would do whatever he wanted. I am not a toy and never was for him so why does he think I would become one especially as we are becoming parents.
Is this just his way to show he is scared about becoming a dad? I just miss my husband and the man I fell in love with. Sadly I don’t know if he really ever existed or if it was all a show. Help!
Nicely done. Like wives, husbands want to be wanted. Certainly, I want to feel wanted physically by my wife; for this, this is very important. While it seems, my wife desires more emotional satisfaction, the balance in our marriage comes through each feeding the other’s markedly different base drives. For me, after 32 years of marriage, at age 58, I enjoy emotional satisfaction when my wife desires my intimate, physical attention, and responds powerfully to it. Similarly, she tends to desire such as I seek the keys to her emotions and, without pull or push, do those things in a genuine effort to fulfill her emotional needs.
Frustrated1, I hope things go better for you. I have the same problem with my wife, except the length of year went from 1 year to 10 years now. I lost all of my hopes just this year. It’s hard to imagine how a human can live without any hope. I have absolutely zero expectation of a better future in everything in my life now. Very often, I feel maybe death is better for me.
Don’t get to where I am now. You and I know very well that the torture of sex drive every week will never get easier. A week becomes a month, and a month becomes a year. Now a year becomes a decade, and has literally destroyed me. I wait for death or sexual dysfunction to come, but they just don’t come soon enough.
You mean, 10 years – no sex? Wow! I thought my once or twice a month was bad. Ok, I will take your advice and NOT let things “get to where [your are] now”. I think we have to be brave and confident, trusting God first. Then, talk -ask our wives for sex. I also think we need to learn to love our wives. My wife hates the topic of sex, but I don’t know why. If I try to talk to her about it, she get upset. She says it’s my fault because I “give up to easily” -that is, I make a move and she pushes me away so I feel rejected for a week and don’t try again. Yet, as a man trying to follow God, we simply have to trust God, learn to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… Yet, we are not Christ and we are not God -we have wants, needs, and desires just like our wives do.
So, I say -don’t give up. Be brave and breach the topic. Just say, “honey, I want to talk about our sex life. Can we set aside some time to talk about this?” I found this site because my wife and I were talking this morning. It’s been two or three weeks and I’m pretty frustrated -this is our typical pattern and I really want to change it. I hope and pray you can start anew with your wife. Wow – 10 years. Ouch!
Agathos… I replied to one of your posts and didn’t see the first one. I feel bad about that. I opened my fat mouth and put my fatter foot in. I didn’t see that you have already tried to talk to your wife.
It sounds like maybe your wife has negative feelings about something. Has she shared them with you? Maybe it’s in regards to her health issues. Maybe she needs romance ?or she doesn’t feel attractive.
My husband says that about me too. But I can honestly say to you that he has made me feel terrible about myself. Always talking about other women and looking at pornography, not sharing our lives together, has left me feeling bitter towards him.
So feeling makes a difference. Talk to her about her concerns. But I definitely think spending time together and dating her can bring it around.
I’m 39 years old and have a sex drive of a 16 year old. It’s not just the physical part for me it goes way beyond that. But I get angry when I don’t get sex from my wife everyday. I feel bad afterwards but she will punish me by not giving it to me. How do we control the anger. I love my wife more than anything and I don’t want this to cause problems.
Hi Gary, Sounds like “this” is already causing problems. Your description of anger, and your daily need for sex being more than just physical. Please go get some professional help. You’ve recognized a problem that will get bigger in your marriage. Anger and sex should not even be in the same sentence. I can not speak for your wife, but it sounds to me like you use sex to control her.
That is not loving your wife more than anything, and certainly not as Christ loves the church. If your wife feels controlled or compelled there is a good chance she is just tolerating sex with you out of duty. Ask yourself if that’s what you want your wife to feel. Or do you want her to feel cherished, honored and tenderly loved. Intimacy in marriage should be a dance between you two, not a take down. I’m a professional Life Coach. I’ve worked with women, men and couples. Trust me, this will be a bigger problem as the years move forward. I reiterate, please get professional, Christian help from a source you BOTH trust.
This does not address insatisble desire. If a husband has sex addiction issues and needs it daily…you need to address their role in the destruction of being a “monster”
I would hesitate to label someone who wants sex with their wife daily an addict. Would you want him to suggest there is something wrong with you because you don’t want sex every day? Unless an objective professional has diagnosed him as an addict, your armchair diagnosis will only make things worse, not better.
I doubt anyone has an insatiable desire for sex. While it may be possible that someone may have a “sex addiction”, I suggest being open to the idea that the drive may be physiological. I know I didn’t ask for the libido that I have and there are times that I wished for some way to destroy the drive.
This makes things clear. I’ve denied my husband far too often from sex. Our marriage started off fine but then over the years he was never satisfied with what our sex was like and started wanting to try new things. He’s never liked ‘snacks’ but always wants a full festive meal every time where sometimes I just want a quickie. Then every sex act over the last three years he’s made me beg for it and tells me I have to work for it. It made me feel like I didn’t know what I was doing and felt more and more self conscious and insecure so I drew more and more away because quite honestly, I didn’t know how to work for it.
Now I’ve discovered he’s hooked on porn. It’s shattered me as now I feel even if we have sex every day I will never be what those women are or do what they do and no matter what I feel like I will never satisfy him because he haste ‘experts’ to compare me to. I am lost and broken and don’t know where to go from here.
There are a lot of dynamics to consider. It sounds like there’s frustration on both sides. You could try to reset the relationship with a heart to heart discussion and get everything in the open. His expectations may need to be adjusted and you may need to make changes too. If that doesn’t work, you may want to try a counselor. By the way, there’s a big difference between porn and actually being with someone. I think most people would choose regular sex in a mutually respectful and loving relationship any day over porn.
Just do it. Not that. The other one. Sing to his microphone and wash away the past by opening up to a glorious spring future. Bask in the dew as he stares at you in awe, which will turn to love.
Most of the problem with “sex issues” in marriage stem from the fact that men are generally so selfish. It’s not all men, but many of them are. Women have sex drives, but we’re more likely to be intimate if our emotional needs are being met. If there were as many blogs and posts on men being the leaders of the home and protectors over their wives physical and emotional well-being, then there would be less of a need for posts about women needing to sexually satisfy their husbands. It would be natural.
Marriage is a partnership. When needs are met on both sides, generally, there aren’t these types of issues. Every now and then, you have a person with low moral character who seeks an emotional or physical affair, but most of the time, people will not want to stray if their emotional and physical needs are met. It’s the man’s responsibility as much as the woman’s.
Not always the case; I romance my fiancé regularly, tell her everyday how beautiful she is, cook for her, take care of her children; I take photos of flowers during my daily travels (my job requires lots of driving to various cities) so I send her a photo text of said flowers everyday. She really appreciates this gesture. I make her laugh, she confides in me, wants to sit with me at night, wants to hang out together and do things. I understand women need to “get there” emotionally first, but when it comes to intimacy, she’s just not into it. I need the “connection”, its just not about getting off for me; I need to feel wanted, I wish I felt irresistible to her sometimes. I’ve tried to share my feelings to no avail.
I love this woman very much and show her everyday that I do, but my self worth and confidence is dying. She has no medical issues so I know that is not the underlying issue. It is very confusing that she wants to share everything with me, wants to travel with me, but intimacy is the farthest thing from her mind. This has not always been the case; as most relationships, sex was a regular occurrence in the first year of our relationship, but somewhere, somehow, it has diminished. The emotional pain and emptiness I feel has begun to surface.
Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? It sounds to me that maybe your loving her how you “think” she wants to be loved but not how she actually feels loved. Give the book a read if you haven’t already it was a huge eye opener for my marriage.
My husband had emotional trauma from his previous marriage. His ex constantly said no to his advanses and rejected him so many times that he honestly would rather not have sex than face being rejected by me. I feel most appreciated and loved when my husband is loving me so for him to go for several weeks not even looking at me it hurt and made feel lonely and unloved. Then I read this book gained the courage to talk to him and realized I need to be the one to face that potential rejection (he’s actually never rejected me).
But you know, the most important thing I’ve learned in my relationship is to look at my husband in everything he does with love and compassion and remeber that he is his own person with his own needs just as much as I am.
Agree that maybe the case in some but not always. I feel I am a great father. My wife had a horrible father and sometimes that is what frustrates me all the more. It’s like if anyone should appreciate a good husband and father it’s someone that didn’t have that. Just gets frustrating when sex happens once a week after 2 days of the silent treatment. Nothing makes a man fell more wanted than the approach of “let’s get this over with” in the bedroom.
It never occurs to the authors of this drivel that many men are monsters and don’t become cuddly teddy bears after. In fact we are often treated worse. Shame on you for pushing this “just do it” fuel for abusive mens fire.
That isn’t the author’s fault, because it isn’t her intent. If your man is abusive, that falls outside of the scope of this article, as you have other issues to consider.
If someone can help me please do. My wife and I have been married for 32 years. We are Christians and have been from our childhood. My wife has never been all that much for sex. Now 32 years later she really doesn’t care for sex at all. To be fair about three years ago I had to have a trup (it is something like having the whole in side of the prostate taken out.) It is very hard for me to get and keep an erection. After a very little time things kind of came to an end. So I try to understand how she feels. But in a years time we have only made love two times in a whole year.
I have told my wife how I feel and have even asked her to read things like what is above. She reads them and I talk with her trying to get her to truly understand what I am going through but things don’t change. I know that we love each other and I can’t see myself living without her. After God she is the very most important person and love of my life.
Can anyone like a Christian woman tell me what is going on and how I might help my wife. Because I know that she is not happy with the sex we have and I know that it is my fought. I take med’s for ED but they just don’t work very well on me. Sex is by no means the most important thing in our marriage but is sure has a place. Please, can some one who is a Christian please help me. P.S. I have other health problems that makes ED even more of a case. God Bless
Hi TB. I am a Christian and I will try my best to help you a piece of advice. I don’t know for certain, but some women, like men, vary in temperament. Try to have a discussion that brings out any unspoken issues about sex and expectations. Keep in mind that you should always remind her of your love and commitment for her. Your approach should be gentle and loving. Hugs and kisses and communicate. Romance should be first. Woo her, date your wife. Make her remember the sweet times together.
Pray together, for her. God draws us together. Remember Solomon.