“Is sex before marriage always out? I know we like this rule for teenagers, and young people who aren’t ready to have kids. Of course that makes sense. But what about adults who are more mature, and are responsible?
“How about a Christian couple who are in love with the Lord and each other?
“How about if the sex in done in love and a nice positive setting?
“What if it is only done occasionally and not abused?
“How about if it was a positive experience for both parties?”
These are questions that were asked in an article, which was posted on the Growthtrac.com web site. Unfortunately, the original article is no longer available to read. But we did some digging to find scriptures and articles, which could give insights into these questions and others, which are important to explore.
Sex Before Marriage and Within Marriage
So first, we’ll give you scriptures that we found, and then we’ll direct you to articles posted on the Internet.
In the Context of Marriage:
The following are scriptures that point out the marital, sexual union that is sanctioned by God:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
[Notice the word, “wife” in that scripture.]
In Matthew 19:4 it’s recorded that Jesus said:
“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
We’re told in 1 Corinthians 6:15:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.'”
Additionally, Concerning Sex Outside Marriage:
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 tells us:
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer. But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Sex Before Marriage and Outside of Marriage:
For sexual relations outside of marriage, the following are the scriptural principles we must follow:
1 Corinthians 6:18:
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body. But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality. Each one of you is to know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. Let no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.
“For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-10:
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”
“Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?”
Prayerfully Consider This from God’s Word:
1 Peter 2:11:
“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”
“Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness. Receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”
2 Timothy 2:22
“Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.”
The night is far gone. The day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ. And make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
Also, the web site, Got Questions.org can give you further insights into scriptures and additional insights that you might find helpful in answering your questions concerning sex before marriage as you read:
• What Does the Bible Say About Sex Before Marriage/Premarital Sex?
— ALSO —
Below are additional articles, which line up scripturally. They can be helpful to read on this issue of, “Is Sex Before Marriage Always Out?”:
• WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE BIBLE Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong?
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International compiled this article.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
More from Marriage Missions
Filed under: Sex Before Marriage
32 responses to “QUESTION: Is Sex Before Marriage Always Out?”
(USA) Ok, I’ve read a lot of these posts and still no one has mentioned anything that was helpful to me. No one has mentioned the fact of having sex before marriage with the person you are planning to marry. If this is the person you are going to spend your life with, then what is the issue?
You and this person have already had sex over the years you have been together, you find Christ, and I understand saving yourself for marriage and all the benefits, but can you save yourself for someone who you have already been having sex with? I’m asking because I am in this situation and very confused. It seems pointless to save yourself for someone you already gave yourself to and are planning to marry. Any help?
(US- SE) Chantell, That is a very good question. My future wife & I began sexual relations at 3-4 mos. I did feel some guilt at the time, but not nearly as much guilt as I had at 17 and a couple of “casual” incidents at 25-26. Perhaps I didn’t feel as much guilt as I was getting into my 30’s and felt God had “forgotten” me and the pledge of abstinence I made to live a godly life after becoming a Christian in college at 18. I really wanted to find a woman to date and get married by my mid-20s. That never happened. Women, especially Christian women, didn’t know I existed. I had no sex — and no hugging, kissing or hand-holding — from 19-26.
My future wife & I stopped our premarital sex shortly after getting engaged. The lay couple in the Catholic church she attended asked if we were engaging in sex. All the other couples in the session answered affirmatively. They recommended we stop and try to focus on each other and the life we were about to spend with each other.
So we stopped having sex for nearly a year. It’s a wonder we didn’t “slip up” as we slept in the same bed (on weekends, we were in a LDR). I am glad the counselors advised we cool the sex because it made me truly consider if I loved her or her body… I loved both, of course, but wanted to be a good husband for her. And felt I could be a better man to her by acting respectfully toward her, instead of how I acted toward my High School girlfriend, whom I pressured to give me sex. Both of us were Christians and we did feel guilt about our activity, which we justified as “monogomous” in a committed relationship.
My advice to you is to not get too worried about whether it’s right or not to have sex with the one you plan to marry, as marriages don’t always go through. I’d recommend cooling the sex and spend that time getting to know each other better.
(AUSTRALIA) Hi, everyone. I have a situation that I’m in that I would very much like some feedback from. I had a very active sex life with different partners before marriage and before I fully gave myself to Christ. I met my boyfriend online before I was fully embracing God and his word, only 2 years ago. We were involved in a relationship sexually over the Internet. I started embracing Christ about a year and a half ago, going to church, still having faith in God completely.
I am still with my boyfriend; we are not married still. We are now united physically and have had sexual sin before marriage. I sat with him and explained that as Christians even though we want to marry each other it does not ordain what we are doing in the Bible. He said that he doesn’t want to wait for marriage because of all my past flings I gave myself to and that I am not sacred anymore and witholding myself from him is not fair. I feel his pain because I was not a virgin already. But I want to make sure that now I AM living in Christ –that our marriage is a ministry for Christ and not because of anything else. Please offer me feedback??
Lulu, I hope you made the right decision, though I know this is an old post. Even though you have had a lot of sex, it’s your decision with whom and when you have sex. No one can pressure you otherwise. If you want to wait, make that clear. It shouldn’t matter whether you’re a virgin or a (once) promiscuous person.
In my late 20s, I dated many virgins and never-married non-virgins who had limited sexual experience, like me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t “so strong” a Christian at the time and kind of wanted sex with them, but they, these Christian women, wanted to wait and save that part of them until marriage, which I of course understood and didn’t pressure them.
Realize you virgins and non-virgins who show the strength to stand-up for yourselves and tell your men what you will and won’t do… you have a lot of power.
(USA) I’ve read through all these comments and find it surprising that not many people have referenced what the Bible says about premarital sex.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 King James Version
3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
This scripture is very clear regarding God’s expectations of man regarding fornication which is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between persons not married to each other. Concupiscence is defined as a strong desire, especially sexual desire or lust.
As a married woman who did not abstain from sexual intercourse as a young single woman I can honestly say that I wish I had. I don’t dwell on the fact that I nor my husband were virgins coming into our marriage but it is something that we have discussed and therefore are very passionate about educating other young men and women regarding the consequences both physical and spiritual of fornication.
It is our job as Christians to tell those who are asking these questions regarding premarital sex what the bible says and not our opinions.
God designed sex to be the most intimate activity between one man and one woman in the confines of marriage only. He understood the strong emotional attachment that comes through sex and the binding of two souls to become one therefore his command for us to flee fornication is for our own good. The soul ties that are formed during sex are not meant to be broken but this is exactly what occurs when we give ourselves to someone and then the relationship ends. I could speak endlessly about this topic but if anyone receives anything from this post just know that it will be worth the wait, and know that you are worth the wait and any man or woman seeking physical intimacy from you needs to understand that what you have to offer comes at a price and that is their eternal committment.
I pray that every young man and woman that finds their way to this page unsure of what to do will allow the Holy Spirit to minister to their hearts and that their eyes will be opened to this truth.
(TANZANIA) Hi! It is all true, sex before marriage a sin and should be avoided. The issue here is on how people realize it. Just yesterday I had a strong discussion with my girlfriend on the same topic. At the end of discussion we arrived at the best conclusion; let God be our first priority since everything on this globe is going to remain here, all relationships will end here except the relationship with the Almighty God.
The good thing is God allows us to enjoy each other, but it has to be done in marriage. Thanks. This article has changed my mind towards God’s way. Karl
Vivi, I am a 23 year old lady. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and have a one year old son. I know it is wrong to have sex before marriage so does my boyfriend who had recently proposed. We both want to get married but are not financially stable. We love each other so much. We have tried to break up so we can do the right thing but it has not worked. He is ok but I am so guilty of having sex with him. Mostly I don’t want to disappoint God and don’t want to lose him- I have lost weight because of this stress.
Can a person take holy marriage after having physical relation before marriage???
Yan, The simple answer is, “yes,” a person can get married, even if they have had pre-marital sex before. I know this is so because of what the Bible says in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I take comfort in the fact that God says He will cleanse us from ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. This is includes all sexual sin. If you have already confessed this sin to God and you still feel condemned, that is the devil lying to you by telling you that God can’t forgive this sin. So, the next time the devil tries to convince you that you can’t be forgiven, open your Bible and read out loud 1 John 1:9 and then tell the devil he is a liar and that you are standing on the truth of God’s word and he can go to hell where he belongs.