The title of this article is a long one, but it’s an important issue within marriage… VERY important! It deals with sexual refusal within the marriage. Just because a husband stops asking his wife to make love, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still want to. (For those of you who are not married, I’m sorry. But this article and the one that follows are aimed for those who are married.)
“The story goes something like this: One spouse has a higher drive (HD), and the other spouse has a lesser drive (LD). Spouse HD asks, pursues, begs, pleads, prays, asks, wonders… and finally stops. Spouse LD, meanwhile, feels frustrated, cajoled, annoyed, resentful… and finally relieved.”
Sexual Refusal Within Marriage
But there’s more to this whole scenario than this, as the title implies.
To take you to the rest of what the author wrote on this issue, I’m going to send you to another web site. I was going to ask permission to post the article that follows. The author, J. Parker is great that way. But there are many comments after the article, which are compelling to read. And we don’t want you to miss out on those either.
So, we’re providing a link to the Hot, Holy, and Humorous web site. This way you can read what they have written on this topic. It doesn’t just pertain to husbands who are refused. It also addresses wives, as well. If you need to flip a few pronouns around here and there, please do so. But they do a pretty good job of addressing both. Intimacy needs are important to address, whether they come from the husband or the wife.
BUT PLEASE, if you post anything on their comment line, please post it here, as well. We’d love for this topic to be discussed on both of our web sites so we can all benefit. Thanks!
The question was asked in the above article, “Can we work on our sex life?”
That’s a question that a lot of spouses have asked and will ask. The author of the next article, Chris, was asked that question quite a bit. But she says that she was the “refuser” in her marriage.
Here’s part of her testimony concerning sexual refusal from another angle:
“After 20 years of being a sexual gatekeeper and refuser, I am now learning to dance with desire. I’m learning to enjoy the full intimacy that comes with passionate and joyful sex with the husband God provided for me.”
In another article posted on her web site, The Forgiven Wife, she writes:
“My husband had his access to emotional and physical intimacy controlled by me for two decades. He has seen me change. I’ve atoned for my sin, in both thought and deed. My husband has forgiven me, and so has my God. Most of the time, I can even say I’ve forgiven myself. I thank God that my husband did not think I was beyond redemption. I mean that in the fullness of the definition, not just theologically.”
The following is a link to part of her testimony. You can read more on her web site, as well. (Again, we’re hoping that if you post a comment on her web site, you’ll post it here too. This way the topic can be openly discussed by husbands and wives who deal with the “refusal” issue.)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
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Filed under: Sexual Issues